Insert Witty Title Here

Check out our new adventure!

2010-10-17T09:37:00.002-04:00

Hi long-lost blog friends! It has been a crazy season of life for me, and one that I couldn't (or didn't know how to) share with the blogging world. I may still begin posting here again, but in the meantime, we (Daniel and I) have started a new blog that details our next adventure in life. If you're at all curious, please check out the blog, become a follower, and tell us what you think!

Stress is a killer.

2010-05-28T11:03:00.003-04:00

Strangely enough, ever since I began this 31 day challenge, I have been one big ball of high-strung stressed out mess. I feel like pulling my hair out and every little thing causes me to almost lose it. My poor family has taken the brunt of my frustration more times than I can count, and each time I lose it, I have to go back, tail between my legs, and apologize for being a jerk. I don't think the stress has to do with the 31 day challenge--but I do think that making those healthy habits a regular part of my life will have a LOT to do with relieving it and helping me be a normal, functional person again.

I am happy to report that I completed #26 on my list, getting contacts. Yay! I have been wearing glasses (no contacts) for about 2 years and although I love my glasses, it's summer and sometimes a girl just needs some sunglasses.

#1, wholesome home-cooked dinners 4 nights a week, we are well on our way to achieving this week. I have done 3 dinners this week and I foresee at least one or two more tonight and tomorrow. It's just the discipline of planning ahead and grocery shopping (which I HATE) that is the hard part.

#6, taking my kids outside to play, has also been easy. It's been gorgeous and hot around here and it's hard NOT to get outside. #7, turning off the TV, goes hand-in-hand with that, and that has been really nice too. This morning, rather than listening to Matt & Meredith & Al on the Today Show while I ate my cereal and cleaned up around the living room, I listened to the silence of the house, the birds outside, and I felt a little bit of peace!

So I'm still working on de-stressing. I hate feeling out of control of my actions & emotions. Tomorrow I am planning to stay home with the kids, get stuff done around the house, and relax.

31 days: my biggest challenge

2010-05-24T15:23:00.002-04:00

So I was reflecting on which part of this whole challenge would be the most difficult for me. Hands-down, the biggest challenge is going to be eating well-balanced healthy meals, and cooking them for my family too!

I love to cook, but finding the time, energy, and motivation to plan ahead is a different story. I can totally relate to those stupid Stouffer's commercials about family dinner. My kids are still little but I think I can see into the future and if we don't develop healthy habits now, who knows where we will be in 5 or 10 years when everyone is more busy!

First step for our family has been to actually eat at the table. I know, lame, right? (ha ha) Instead of Daniel and I plopping down on the couch with our plates of food, we are making a conscious effort to sit down with all four of us and eat together. No TV, no kids running around, just everyone sitting down enjoying a meal. We are getting much better at this although there's always room for improvement!

Second step, which has been way harder, has been to create a menu for the week. Because of our jobs & schedules, the best we can hope for is maybe 4 nights at home cooking dinner most weeks--but even that has been a struggle. My goal is now to use Monday (my day off) to create a menu for the week and do all the necessary shopping. So far I haven't done that yet today, but the day isn't over! I am working on it! I have a few go-to recipes that I will throw in the mix regularly, and I try to make at least one new recipe each week. Also as part of the challenge I am going to throw in some vegetarian dishes--we are a family of meat-eaters and it's good to try something new.

I'll keep you all posted on our progress in our quest to enjoy healthy, well-balanced meals as a family!

The 31 Day Challenge

2010-05-21T16:03:00.002-04:00

This has inspired me to blog again. My college friend Jara has issued a challenge. There are just about 31 days until the official start of summer. So she challenged everyone to take that time to improve on health, mental and physical. I read so many inspiring ideas from others that I decided to join in the challenge! (Check out the original challenge here, and consider joining in.)

Here are my 31 things.

1. Cook a wholesome dinner for my family 4 nights a week (or more).

2. Blog and/or tweet about this challenge daily.

3. Eat & cook vegetarian for one meal per week. (this is HUGE for our family of meat-eaters)

4. Journal every day about my time with God, in prayer, etc.

5. Walk/bike to work more often. (I live less than a half-mile away! I have no excuse!)

6. Take my kids outside to play for at least a few minutes every day that it's not raining.

7. Turn off the TV more often.

8. Read a book about nutrition/eating balanced meals. (any suggestions??)

9. Go to zumba classes at least 3x per week.

10. Go to the Y and work out with weights/treadmill at least 2x per week.

11. Try spinning class at the Y.

12. Drink 1 bottle of water per day.

13. Work on creative ways to get my kids to eat more vegetables.

14. Eat at least 1 full serving of veggies per day. (this is embarrassing, but I don't currently.)

15. Count to ten before yelling at my kids.

16. Take the stairs, not the elevator.

17. Park far, far away from the store entrance and walk.

18. Bring my lunch to work every day except Tuesday (it's Subway day).

19. Share my progress with family & friends.

20. Give myself a pedicure.

21. Make space & time for Daniel (husband) to get his exercise, too!

22. Be intentional about encouraging & helping him with his Weight Watchers goals.

23. Make sure Phinn gets his daily walk.

24. Take Phinn to the park once a week to walk/run.

25. Stop checking my new iPhone incessantly...remind myself that facebook, twitter, etc. can wait!

26. Make an eye appointment for contacts so I can finally wear sunglasses.

27. Talk to one new person a week that I wouldn't normally talk to.

28. Smile at people.

29. Send birthday wishes/cards to friends & family (facebook doesn't count).

30. Stop and enjoy the moment I'm in.

31. Read others' blogs in this challenge and encourage them, too!

Handbook for 2010

2009-12-17T10:34:00.002-05:00

Below is an email I received from my husband's aunt. I know it's a forward that probably goes around and around every year, but for whatever reason, many of the things on this list are things I needed to hear right now. Maybe it's the same for others!

--------------------------------------------

HANDBOOK FOR 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours. No more, no less.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk each day. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts on things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do, keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating someone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree....

Society:

25. Call your family more often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change...
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, show up.
37. The best is yet to come...
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Money is NOT important, life is.

Feed Your Stash

2009-11-06T10:35:00.001-05:00

Another great cloth diaper giveaway!

Jack

2009-11-02T10:22:00.008-05:00

We lost our dog, Jack, this weekend. He got outside our fence on Friday night (the latch on the gate broke) and ran out into the road where he was hit by a car. I came home about 10 minutes after it happened and Daniel had tried to go take him to get help at the vet. By the time he got to our vet (only about 5 mins. away from our house), Jack was gone.

I am grieving. I don't know how else to share my feelings except to write here. Our friends & family have been so sympathetic and understanding at our pain--but it's hard to put into words how we're feeling.

Jack was our first baby. He came home with us at 6 weeks old--only about a month after we moved into our house, before we even thought about having children. We picked him out of the litter when he was around 3-4 weeks and named him then. When he was a puppy, he had the saddest eyes you have ever seen. As he grew, he trained easily and was just an all-around great dog! Great with Ethan after he was born, and great with Ellie too. These days, Ethan liked to lay on Jack, give him big hugs by hanging on his neck, and in the mornings Ethan had recently taken to crawling into our bedroom and laying down with Jack where he slept at the foot of our bed.

Yes, Jack did have his flaws. He once cut the end of his ear somehow and it took forever to heal, so every time he shook his head he would spray little drops of blood all over the walls of our house. (THAT took hours to scrub clean!) He went through two major sheds a year, meaning we would find clumps of fur all over the house. He had horrible gas, especially when we gave him rawhide bones & pig's ears. He felt the need to dominate every other dog, which meant if the dog was willing to submit they got along fine, but if not...watch out! And, since Ellie was born, he had a tendency to get into the diaper pail and eat what he found there--YUCK! (We had to start barricading the upstairs so that wouldn't happen when we were gone!)

He really was part of our family. This loss has made us realize that we can't take anything for granted, and life is precious. We are thankful that the human members of our family are alive and well. The house is lonely. Some of the hardest times for me are coming home to an empty house (rather than an excited, tail-wagging furry little guy) and waking up in the morning to an empty dog bed and not needing to let him out, feed him, or give him water. Jack was my buddy on nighttime walks while Daniel stayed home after the kids were in bed. He was Daniel's buddy hanging out at the rafting base in the summer. We are lonely and we are heartbroken.

Sometime soon we'll probably look for another dog. We really can't imagine our lives or our home for any period of time without one. For now, though, and probably for the rest of our lives, we will look forward to seeing Jack when we get to heaven. Because, all "serious theology" aside, now having loved & lost our own family dog, I can't imagine that our dogs won't be waiting for us when we get there.

Jack on our most recent big family hike in the Adirondacks. Hiking was one of his favorite things, especially when he could be off the leash!

Jack sleeping on Ellie in the car.

Jack hanging out at teen camp this year. The kids LOVE him!

We miss you, Jack. Our house really is empty without you here. Thanks for being such a sweet, great, loving, wonderful dog.

Feed Your Stash

2009-10-30T11:31:00.002-04:00

Here we go with another cloth diaper promo. If you're reading this, have (or will have in the future) diaper-age children, and want to save some dough, I strongly urge you to consider cloth diapering!!

Content.

2009-10-29T10:40:00.003-04:00

I love rainy fall days. They remind me that winter is just around the corner, and although it's not bitterly cold, there's just enough of a chill in the air that it makes me feel warm and cozy with my coffee & my candle burning as I work in my office.

I've said before that I think fall is my favorite season. I like the school year (perhaps because I am not currently IN school). Ethan started preschool this year, and he LOVES it, and we can see how much he is benefitting from being there 2 mornings a week. Youth group is humming along pretty smoothly. I am learning the rhythm and the work of ministry better than I used to. I think I'm in a really good spot.

As I think about the future, I am hopeful. I think about possibilities, ways that God is working in my life and still changing me, and I am content as I anticipate what might be coming down the road. It's amazing how little steps that God leads us to take, lead to bigger steps and bigger changes and bigger obedience. It's a good place to be--content where you are, content to move forward slowly and at God's pace. I am not always in this place, for sure, and I know I will be impatient, frustrated, and restless again (it's part of life), but for now I am happy. I'm growing and changing, and I'm happy.

New Ministry Blog

2009-10-23T15:15:00.003-04:00

Well, as part of our NEW youth group website, I have a new blog too!

Although I often find myself blogging about ministry-related things, I also didn't really want to link all my random musings about cloth diapers, my weight-loss issues, and silly videos to our youth group website. (Not that I'm trying to HIDE anything, but I figure most people who find me via my professional role may not actually care much about that stuff. LOL)

So I will still be blogging here about my personal thoughts, struggles, and triumphs as a woman of God, pastor, wife, and mom. But I will save my "professional" thoughts, struggles, and triumphs, plus any youth group previews or announcements, for the youth group blog. Check it out, leave some comments, and let me know what you think!

By the way, like the new design of this blog? This, plus our youth group website, among other things, was designed by my wonderful, talented husband. Through his new business, Next Mountain, he does all types of graphic design--most notably websites and print design. Check it out! (I think he's finally found his calling in life, besides being an all-around great guy.)

Check this out!

2009-10-08T14:40:00.000-04:00

Ouch

2009-10-06T13:43:00.002-04:00

Traveling, busyness, and emotions have all taken a toll on me this week.

I find myself having hurt feelings over small things. I feel prickly and sensitive. Don't look at me wrong, or I might burst into tears.

I guess these times bring things into perspective. I am not a cold, hard, unmovable object. I am not impervious to life wearing me down. I am just me.

Another discovery--ministry can be lonely sometimes. Do people (say, in a small group or Bible study setting) really want to share honestly with a pastor around? Not always, I'm discovering. At least, not some of my peers.

I am blessed to be where I am. And these types of things make me appreciate my friends, those who love & care about me, all the more.

I'm Amanda, and I am a cloth diaper addict.

2009-09-16T10:36:00.002-04:00

A while back, I blogged about how I was cloth diapering Elliana. Well, since she was 2 weeks old, with a couple of out-of-town trips being the only exceptions, she has worn cloth diapers pretty much every day of her young existence (she is now 6 months old). We LOVE it. Seriously, I think the decision to cloth diaper was one of the best decisions we've made for our family. At this point, we have 3 different kinds: bumGenius 3.0 (a one-size pocket diaper), some Chinese cotton prefolds with Thirsties covers, and a couple of Happy Heiny's one-size snap pocket diapers.

The BG's are our favorite--so easy, any babysitter, church nursery worker, or grandparent is able to work with them with no problem. We also love the prefolds with the covers, and have never had a leak while using those! They are so much easier than I thought they would be, and you really can't beat the price, especially if you're cloth diapering on a budget (and who isn't?). The Happy Heinys are our least favorite--they are adorable but leak every single time we put them on. I have a feeling it has less to do with the diaper and more to do with our long, skinny girl and her skinny little legs--the HH's are higher cut around the leg openings and so I think they would work a lot better on a cute little chunky baby. :)

I recently started using cloth wipes as well. It took us a while, but not only was I going through TONS of wipes (especially while Ethan was still in diapers as well--he is potty trained as of the last month or so), but they started irritating Ellie's little bottom. So I bought a bunch of inexpensive baby terry washcloths with cute prints and some baby oil & wash to experiment with making my own wipe solution. Unfortunately, that ended in a worse rash. So I took a friend's advice and tried Baby Bits that dissolve in warm water. Perfect--especially since I dilute them with 3 cups of water instead of 1 like the package directs--still cleans and smells fresh without being too strong for her sensitive skin.

Although I am not in NEED of more cloth diapers right now, I may not be able to resist trying out the new Econobums one-size prefold with a one-size adjustable cover! Not only affordable, but smart. I wholeheartedly recommend cloth diapering to any mom of a diaper-age baby for the environment and the savings. Daniel says I am a cloth diaper proselytizer because anyone who sees Ellie's diapers asks about them--and I am more than happy to give them all the info (including where to shop for them--I direct lots of business to Kelly's Closet).

A trip down memory lane

2009-08-26T15:04:00.003-04:00

I was cleaning out my office today (okay, a little bit anyway) and came across a bunch of my old college binders. Apparently I thought at some point I would use my notes & handouts and returned term papers. It strikes me as a little bit odd that I saved them, considering I am a notorious "clean-sweep" kind of gal who likes to throw everything out rather than worry about what to do with too much stuff. I looked through the binders and most of it, I tossed in the trash, smiling to myself that I thought I might use this stuff again.

But a few things, I took out, read, and thought about. It reminded me that there was a time when I was idealistic about ministry and about life. There was a time that I read thought-provoking books and journals and actually analyzed them. And there was a time when I knew exactly how a ministry should be organized, and how it should run. Armed with that knowledge, I thought, I was all set.

Obviously, as we all find out when we enter "the real world," things aren't as cut and dry as they seem when we're studying for a career in the college/classroom setting. Arming myself with the right knowledge is only a fraction of the battle--I'm not even sure it's half as G.I. Joe claims. All my knowledge is great, but coming into contact with real people, real problems, and situations that don't neatly fit into my box makes it tough. I have come a long way in 5 1/2 years, but it's good to remember where I came from. I think I will keep some of that stuff for a while longer, just to remember. And maybe some of my classroom work will remind me of how things should be done, and reenergize me for the fall.

New Things

2009-08-22T09:30:00.003-04:00

I've been absent from the blog world for so long, it feels like...and so goes the summer.

We have a number of new things going on in our lives at the moment. For starters, Elliana is discovering and learning new things just about every day. She constantly amazes me with her intent study of the world around her. She is at the very beginning stages of one of my favorite ages, the "baby discovery" phase (around 6-12 months). I remember this being my favorite time of Ethan's babyhood and it's no different with Ellie. She's almost sitting up by herself, really paying attention to toys, trying new foods, and smiling at everyone she sees. I just love it!

Ethan is going through a new thing, too--potty training. We had a false start where he did great for a couple of weeks, then went to Grandma & Beepa's house and started pooping in his pants again, so we went back to diapers for a week or so and now we're back to training again. This is a much longer, more frustrating process than I thought it would be--but I'm hoping he'll be trained by the time he starts preschool (another new thing!) in the middle of September.

Finally, I'm entering a new (technically, old) phase at work. For so long, we (the staff who is left) have been preaching, planning, and helping with the business of running the church. I have truly been grateful and even joyful at the opportunity to do these things--but I am also looking forward to really focusing on the youth ministry again. I have so many ideas and plans, including a new website, a mission trip for next summer, a district retreat, and some new small groups--but I can only focus on these things if someone else can take the ball for a while. We are hoping to get an interim pastor until we hire a new pastor--which is a really welcome and exciting step in my opinion.

This is relatively small, but I have also re-started a workout routine. I was doing great with My Fitness Coach before summer and all its craziness truly hit--so I haven't worked out regularly for about 2 months! I just got Wii Active, which is a way more interactive workout game that tracks your movements and creates new workouts each day. I'm only 2 days in but plan to make it a regular part of my routine again. I'm still hanging onto about 8 more pounds after my pregnancy with Ellie--and they're not going away easily!

Those are our family updates for now. I'm terrible at posting pictures (I keep promising and don't deliver) so I'll try, someday, to get some updated pix, especially of Ellie who grows every day, and put them up soon. :)

Summer Update

2009-07-09T16:42:00.002-04:00

It's been a whirlwind month (or two). After preaching in May and all the extra work that entails, June brought some exciting work meetings, some not-so-exciting work meetings, preparation for teen camp, and a huge trip the last two weeks of June to Orlando, Florida for the Nazarene church's General Assembly & Conventions, which happens every 4 years and is kind of a big deal to us Nazarenes (think presidential election big. LOL).

We had an amazing time, except when you go out of town for that long you come back and can't believe so much time has gone by. Now I'm back preaching again in July, working on camp (coming in less than a month-yikes!) and getting ready to start a new ministry for our North Site teens. CG North is every other Friday night, includes hangout time and a Bible study, and I'm hoping will become a model for expanded small group ministry for the Watertown site as well (considering our small groups have pretty much died and been buried in the grave the way we did them before).

Overall, I'm energized in ministry. I'm somewhat confused about where God is leading in the future--it's murky. But then, whenever I get anxious, I realize that when it's time for me to know, God will lead, and until then my job is to minister the best I can, where I am. And I am happy to do that. I just requested for the church to send me to National Youth Workers Convention in Atlanta this November--a long ways off, I know, but I'm excited already for the opportunity for growth and passion and connecting with other youth workers. Last time I was able to go was in 2004--what a difference 5 years makes!

I have a number of adorable pictures of Ethan & Ellie from Florida--whenever I get them uploaded to my computer, I will share here. In the meantime, all is well and our little family is surviving and thriving.

My Quest to Regain Fitness After Baby

2009-05-22T11:01:00.004-04:00

My posts lately have been largely about being a mother, and being a pastor. Those are the two roles dominating my life these days. Unfortunately, when you have two such demanding hats to wear, the other hats tend to fall by the wayside. How does one find balance?

Finding balance is difficult. Taking care of myself requires great discipline. (Why should I drag myself out of bed to work out, when I could get another hour of sleep while the kids are still in bed?)

I am proud, though--I have taken time to work out every morning since Tuesday with My Fitness Coach on the Wii. Yes, only four days so far, but already I see and feel the difference. I highly recommend this if you like to work out at home and have a Wii. It's way better than a workout DVD because it is interactive and you're never doing the same routine twice. Plus, you can choose different music and settings to switch things up a bit. It takes discipline and dedication, but the more I do it, hopefully the more of a habit it will become! I have lost 4 lbs. since last week, so it finally seems that my eating better and working out is starting to pay off.

Despite the difficulty of the balancing act, it's a good challenge. And you know I love a challenge!

Reconsider ordination? Not a chance.

2009-05-11T12:12:00.004-04:00

I tweeted a couple of days ago about a growing conversation I came across in the blogosphere regarding ordination. Tony Jones, a well-known emergent church leader, has started an online petition to ordain his friend, Adam Walker-Cleaveland, since he is having a difficult time getting through the ordination process in the PC(USA).

To get the background and see Jones' blog posts regarding this, here is the original post and here is a follow-up post.

When I first saw this, it made me angry. Extremely angry. Mostly because I have just gone through the ordination process in my own denomination, the Nazarene church. It's not easy, and it's not supposed to be easy. Ordination means that I'm not the only one who thinks I should devote my life to this calling of God to be a pastor--others have affirmed, challenged, and encouraged me in that. At my final interview with the Board of Ministry (consisting of ten or so ordained elders, all serving or having served as full-time pastors), they asked me what ordination means. To me, I am saying that this is the church where I encountered God. This is the church that has nurtured my calling and allowed me to serve as a pastor for the last 5 years, plus ministering before that in various volunteer positions. This is the church that has challenged me with new ideas and old traditions. I want to serve within this church and within this tradition. God has called me here. For Jones, or anyone else, to insinuate that those of us who pursue ordination and service within a denomination are only in it for the tax break, the pension, and the health care plan, is extremely offensive. For Jones to "ordain" anyone, friend or not, over the internet through a petition, cheapens the work and sacrifice that we go through to be prepared and educated for full-time ministry.

Now, I fully believe that every Christian is called to be a minister. Whether it's being a Sunday school teacher, a youth leader, a volunteer mowing lawns or shoveling snow, or witnessing to coworkers, every single one of us who follows Christ has that responsibility and that calling. We are all equipped and gifted in different ways to make up the beautiful thing that is the body of Christ.

However, ordination is different. Ordination is setting apart your life for full-time service to God and to his people. Just like going through school to get a bachelor's degree, a master's degree, and perhaps a doctorate prepares one for certain types of work, so the ordination process prepares ministers & pastors for full-time ministry. It's the recognition of your peers, your church family, and those in authority over you that you are indeed called and endowed with the gifts and graces necessary for ministry.

I don't feel that my own ordination is any less valid or meaningful because of Jones and his plea to "reconsider ordination." This is just my commentary on the whole situation.

Youth Ministry Thoughts...

2009-05-07T11:23:00.003-04:00

Lately, I haven't had much time to sit down and think about ministry in general. I've been so busy doing things and making things happen since I got back to work almost 4 weeks ago that I haven't had a chance to think ahead for the future, evaluate, and plan.

I've been doing this youth ministry thing at this church for 5 years now. (officially 5 years on June 1!) One thing I've realized is that when you do this stuff for a while, it's easy to get stuck in a rut. It's extremely easy to keep on doing things the way I've always been doing them, because that is comfortable, predictable, and that's what I know. However, teens change, youth groups change, and what worked 2 years or maybe even 1 year ago doesn't work now. For example, we've had to throw our small group program out the window the way it was. We started small groups only a few months after I started here, back in 2004. They were great...for a couple of years. We continued to try to do the same things with diminishing results over the years. Now our Wednesday small group time is "youth activity night" (somewhat structured hangout time). We are in the process of re-imagining small groups to restart in the fall. It's hard not to go back to what you know, even if it's not working anymore.

Ministry is constantly evolving, constantly changing, and we have to constantly learn new ideas to challenge and inform the old ones. The way I prepare messages, plan youth group, and relate to students is not the same as I did 5 years ago. I am different. God has changed me, and life experience has changed me. I am in the process now of re-imagining how we do youth ministry at this church, and it's making me excited again. When we stop learning and stop changing, we die. Good things are on the horizon!!

For you youth-ministry types, I am inspired by this blog and the comments that follow. Check it out.

Ordination

2009-05-06T16:24:00.002-04:00

So I am officially an ordained Reverend in the Nazarene church. I do feel different--it's sort of weird. It was really amazing to be a part of the ordination service last Thursday night and know that I was a part of something so much bigger than myself. The call of God is really something not to be taken lightly.

I got lots of great gifts. :) Above are pictured just a couple of the things I received from my wonderful, amazing church family. A new Bible (because what pastor doesn't need a big black Bible with which to beat people over the head?), some beautiful tulips (my favorite flower), a great briefcase-bag that has a billion little pockets with great stuff tucked inside, and more. I feel blessed. Still a bit overwhelmed with life at this moment, but blessed.

On to work on my Mother's Day sermon. I am preaching the rest of the month of May. I'm excited.

One last thought--is it time to have a more mature office? My decor currently consists of a Nacho Libre poster, a Michael Scott poster, a giant cardboard Chewbacca, an old hubcap, a bowling pin on my desk, various dolls, newspaper articles, a Mullet book (yes, that's right, the hairstyle), and a Mexican man I named Sancho who hangs on the wall happily blowing a trumpet. Hmm...

In the Valley

2009-04-27T21:48:00.002-04:00

I am washed out. I am tired. I don't have much of anything left to give.

Plunging back into the church work world with both feet has proven to be a bigger challenge than I expected with now two little ones. I know I am not being the person I would like to be all the time. Others share prayer requests & praises, find joy in the small things in life, and spend enjoyable days off with their families. I can't make myself do any of those things. I try to be social but only half succeed. I feel consumed. I'm in the desert. I have nothing worthwhile to share. I don't have much patience with my family, either. I hate it.

I guess I'm really working through some stuff. I don't want sympathy...just an outlet. I don't feel like I can be honest about all of this with most (or all) of the people I spend time with daily, or weekly. They seem to be in a totally different place than I am right now. I'm not depressed, just feel the need to retreat into myself for a while. God feels far away, though I know these times are a normal and necessary part of the journey.

I'll be better soon...just right now it's tough. I have lived long enough to know that these times pass, but it's also hard to be in the valley.

Sunday Sunday

2009-04-13T18:01:00.007-04:00

Well, I officially came BACK yesterday. It was quite the adventure! With two little ones, one of which being only six weeks old and nursing, trying to juggle my Sunday morning duties was more challenging than I expected.

7:00--Alarm goes off. My goal is to be at church by 8:30 for the 9:00 service.

7:28--Roll out of bed finally, take Ethan downstairs for breakfast, and eat some cereal while Daniel showers.

7:45--I am packing kids' diaper bags. Mental note: time to wash diapers.

8:02--As I nurse Ellie, I realize I only have a half hour to get showered and get myself ready. Crap.

8:17--I jump out of the shower and frantically try to dry my hair with Ellie in her bouncy seat watching me while gurgling on spit-up. Daniel gets Ethan dressed.

8:30--Still doing makeup while Daniel puts Ellie in her Easter dress. So much for being at church 30 minutes early!

8:47--After frantically running around getting all the last-minute stuff, we finally get out the door.

8:50--Luckily, we live less than 1/2 mile from church so we got there quick!

8:52--I try to drop Ethan off in the nursery (Daniel still had Ellie and went through the Dunkin Donuts drive-through to get our Sunday coffee). There is no nursery worker. Not cool.

8:59--In the sanctuary with Ethan in the back. I call the nursery worker. She apparently thought there was no 9am service (why?? who knows?).

9:08--Nursery worker shows up just in time for me to go up front and do announcements &

offering. I am a little rusty (haven't done it in 6 weeks) and stumble over my words. Hope I didn't sound too stupid.

9:25--I am done with my part and sneak out of the service to get my much-needed coffee.

9:37--Time to nurse Ellie again!

10:15--Mingle, mingle, mingle.

10:25--Worship team practice. Stressful cause the first service went late which cuts our time short.

11:00--I serve communion to the worship team since we can't really take it with the rest of the congregation.

11:05--I run, grab Ellie from the person holding her, take her to the nursery, and pray that she does ok with the bottle I left for her.

11:15--The service starts with the coolest Easter intro. It brought tears to my eyes!

11:25--Announcement/offering time again--I am "on" this time and don't mess up, thank goodness!

11:40--I am standing in the back hallway during the sermon when I hear screaming from the nursery that sounds suspiciously like Ethan. When I go to check, every kid there is screaming and so I grab my two and head out. I guess I'll miss the last song on the piano, plus the end of

the service. Daniel, of course, is the worship leader, so he's no help during the church service. :) Oh well, kids come first!

By 1:15 or so when we are finally ready to head out, all we can do is go home and collapse. Actually, we grabbed Chinese food before doing so. Nap was gooooooooood. And I realized

that I need to work out a new Sunday morning routine with the 2 kiddos, because the one we tried this week is a bit stressful! Even so, though, Easter was a joyful time and we really did have a great day at church.

Here are some Easter pictures of our family! I am not in any of them...I was the photographer this time.

Back to the Grind...

2009-04-07T18:37:00.003-04:00

Well, the title of this post may be a bit premature--I am not officially "back" till Sunday/next week. However, I have been slowly easing my way back into the "loop" of church life and my job. Despite the hard work and busyness of taking care of two little ones, I have really felt like these last 6 weeks have been a time of refreshment and rejuvenation. If you've read my blog before now, you know that things have been CRAZY busy at church and we've all been a little unsettled, having been without a senior pastor now for about 5 months. I went to staff meeting today, just to get back into the swing of things and find out what's going on lately, and I am actually, genuinely excited to go back to work. There are so many ideas I have, and things I want to do differently, or better, than I did before. It's kind of like a new year for me, even though it's April already. These next few months will hold some good changes in the youth ministry, plus more preaching opportunities for me and (hopefully) some continued growth and healing for our church as a whole.

Side note about staying at home with small children: I BOW DOWN before women who are stay-at-home-moms full time. Taking care of our growing family, plus the house and everything else, is the hardest job I've ever done. Somehow, even though I did all those things while working before, doing it full-time has been much, much more difficult. I think there's something good (for me) about going to work and having a babysitter for Ethan, plus a break from the endless laundry, dishes, and cleaning that demands my attention all day! Staying at home has resulted in an earlier bedtime for Ethan since I'm pretty much worn out by like 7pm. :)

Yay for Jim Halpert!

2009-04-04T10:15:00.003-04:00

Well, obviously it's not actually Jim Halpert, but John Krasinski. It looks like he finally succeeded in making a good movie, maybe, which is great because I think he's a pretty good actor. :) I can't figure out if there's a way to actually post the video here...so you'll have to click on the link for now. So worth it!

http://www.imdb.com/video/imdb/vi3933405977/

Cloth Diapers...

2009-03-19T11:33:00.005-04:00

I decided while I was pregnant to do cloth diapers this time around. When I started to do some research I had no idea what was out there. I didn't know anyone personally who used them, and I was worried that Daniel and my friends would think I was completely nuts to even think about it.

I ended up with bumGenius one-size pocket diapers. I had to wait till yesterday when Ellie's umbilical cord fell off to use them, because they didn't quite go under the cord. So...I posted an update on twitter/facebook saying that I was starting our cloth diapering adventure. I was amazed at the responses I got! Some people were really positive and encouraging, especially other moms of kids in diapers. Others, although not overtly critical, have been less than positive. I got everything from "Yuck! Why would you do that?" to "I wonder how long this will last" to even an argument saying that I am doing worse for the environment by using more water & power to wash the diapers. (I resisted the urge to tell that person exactly what I thought of their logic.)

I was disappointed and discouraged. I guess whenever you do something that goes against the "norm" people are skeptical. I know no one meant their comments to be mean. But it still sucked to hear it. Apparently I have opened myself up to criticism by sharing my cloth diapering plans!!

Obviously, I will keep on "keepin' on." Although I was momentarily discouraged, the cloth diapers have been great so far (over the last 24 hours at least). I have yet to wash them so we'll see how that goes. I am excited to show my friends how easy, wallet-friendly, and environmentally smart, cloth diapering can be!

PS--In no way do I mean to be critical of people who use disposable diapers--that would be just as bad as those people who are critical of cloth! I used disposables with Ethan (still do, till he's potty trained) and with Ellie for her first 2 weeks of life. Nothing wrong with it--I am just making a different choice for us this time around.

The End of the World

2009-03-17T09:58:00.002-04:00

I hit the wall last night.

So far this whole "parenting 2 kids" thing hasn't been too tough. I mean, yeah, it's tough, but I have been taking it one day (one hour sometimes) at a time and doing ok. Last night, it all came crashing down! I can sort of laugh now because everything looks better in the morning.

We were supposed to go to friends' house for a late dinner. I was trying to finish my 100 page quota of reading for the day (if I read 100 pages each day this week, I will finish my 500 page textbook by Friday for Monday's class!). Elliana was fussy and I had to put the pacifier back into her mouth approximately every 30 seconds. Then Ethan woke up from his nap and all heck broke loose! The details aren't important...suffice it to say, 2 screaming kids, a bathtub full of green water (on purpose--the tub stuff was a gift for Ethan!), unfinished class work, and no dinner all came to a head at once. Of course Daniel was teaching and couldn't be here to help.

I got everyone calmed down except myself. It was a rough night. I guess I forgot that there are days like that sometimes. But today is sunny and warm and I feel ready to face it all over again!

PS--I planned to post more pictures, but for some reason Dan has the camera cord at work with him so I will have to wait till later to upload them. They're coming though!

Elliana's Life...Week 1

2009-03-09T21:46:00.004-04:00

This is the first time I've really had the energy, and motivation, to sit down and blog since Elliana made her grand entrance into the world! One week ago today, I was checking into the hospital...and now I am sitting on my couch with a beautiful, freshly bathed sweet girl looking up at me. (Well, she may be looking at the light behind my head, but I like to think she's looking at me.)

The labor & delivery wasn't bad. Obviously I had a lot better an idea of what to expect this time around. People told me the second baby comes faster, and since Ethan was relatively quick, I was expecting fast and easy! What I didn't expect was that Ellie was posterior-facing (facing forward, not backward like she was supposed to), and that caused horrible back pain with every contraction! Even so, we walked the halls through most of the labor in the hospital until I was too tired. I finally got some painkillers to give me a little rest, but it didn't seem like they lasted very long before I was feeling every contraction fully again and got ready to push! Without giving too many details, the pushing was more difficult and by the time she made her entrance, I knew why--she weighed 8 lbs, 12 oz! In the end, as every woman who's ever gone through childbirth knows, none of the pain mattered because she was finally here!

We spent a day and a half or so in the hospital, then came home. My mom & dad were here to help, which was great because I got to sit around and take care of the baby! The first week has been good...surprisingly. Ellie's been a great eater and sleeper so far. We discovered on her third day of life that she doesn't enjoy caffeine in the evenings...so I'm a little disappointed about that! We're also learning her schedule, her cues, and her different cries. Juggling her, plus Ethan, who is becoming increasingly hyper & manic all the time, has been the biggest challenge for me. Luckily, he's decided he loves his baby sister and every day he asks if she is "bigger" so she can play with him. He is also very helpful to get her blanket, diapers, and wipes.

I think the weirdest part for me is that she is nothing like Ethan. She doesn't look like Ethan or act like Ethan did when he was a baby. I know all babies are different, even in the same family, but I guess I was expecting some similarities! Before she was born, I wondered how I could possibly love two children the way I loved Ethan when it was just him. I don't know if I can describe it, but it is really true that loving both of them immensely comes naturally and freely. My love and amazement for Ethan hasn't changed one bit--and yet I have this love and amazement for Elliana too, that is the same and yet totally different.

Anyway, we're loving life right now, and I'm loving being on maternity leave, at least for the moment (I'm sure I'll be more than ready to go back to work after 6 weeks!). Things are good and we are blessed.

B-Day? Maybe not.

2009-02-27T11:17:00.002-05:00

Here I am. Countdown says ZERO. So where's this baby?

Currently, I am feeling her hiccup in my belly while I sit at my desk in my office on my last day of work before maternity leave begins. Quit messing around and start coming out, already! If this continues through next week, I may just come in to the office because I have nothing better to do.

Thank goodness for good friends. We went over to Jason & Kim's house last night and ate huge brownie sundaes while our boys ran around all crazy-like. It's a good thing, because I may have actually gone postal sitting at home wondering if I was going to go into labor. I love spending some quality time with good friends...and usually, when I get stressed or upset, that's the first thing to go because I want to retreat into my "cave of solitude" (to quote my friend Gyles).

No more cave of solitude. I'm going to walk a million miles (give or take) and try some of the suggestions Shane left me on a comment on my last post. Excellent.

Waiting...

2009-02-26T11:27:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is it. According to the little baby countdown thing on my blog here, I should have only 1 day to go. Hmm...why am I having trouble believing that? I wish it were that simple...plan a day, go have a baby, no big deal. I could get my house cleaned and laundry done and everything ahead of time so I would be totally ready. Unfortunately, that is not reality. My house is partially cleaned (although I think it's been a horribly long time since I actually mopped the wood floors that are all throughout the downstairs of our house-but hey, at least I sweep them!). Our laundry was done a few days ago, which means there is now more laundry to do. And I am doing my best to keep my mind off of waiting for this baby by doing anything & everything I can to stay busy. This includes working, watching movies/TV, wandering aimlessly around Target (my favorite place to shop in Watertown), trying to finish class work so I can be ordained, and whatever else I can think of at the moment. (For some reason, though. cleaning is not at the top of my list for things to keep me busy!)

The worst part is, it could be another week before I actually have this kid!! I know in the long run it all works out...Ethan was a week late and I don't look back now and remember the waiting too much. Obviously once the kid comes it doesn't matter anymore how long we had to wait. But for now, this whole patiently waiting thing is wearing thin. Maybe Elliana actually will come on her due date. But maybe not. In the meantime, if you have any ideas on how to make the waiting easier, please let me know because I might just go crazy.

Diary of a Crazy Pregnant Woman

2009-02-16T10:44:00.003-05:00

Here are all the things I'm thinking, and going through, at this moment, being just about 9 months pregnant and ready to go any day now (up to 2 weeks from today, anyway):

1. My wardrobe is down to about 4 shirts and a couple of pairs of pants that I can decently wear outside the house, due to my belly which is now too big to keep said pants up and said shirts down to cover it.

2. I wake up about 50 times a night to either turn over or go to the bathroom. Both activities make me feel like I'm about 95 years old because of all the muscle pain, moaning, and groaning they cause.

3. Am I really going to have another baby to take care of in a very short time? Despite all the evidence, it still doesn't seem totally real, and probably won't until I hold her in my arms.

4. I just LOVE it when random people comment on:

(a) How large I seem this time;

(b) How small I seem this time;

(d) How high/low I seem to be carrying;

(e) Whether we should have another baby or stop at 2;

(f) How tired I look these days.

Seriously, these comments are reserved for close friends only. Everyone else, butt out!

5. Whenever I speak in front of a crowd (i.e., at church), I get out of breath so quickly that I either start talking really fast, or have to stop and take deep breaths every other sentence. It gets annoying.

6. I'm genuinely starting to worry that I won't be able to break the crushed ice obsession after the baby is born, and I will be stuck going to Fastrac every day for the next year.

7. I am cloth diapering this time around. The washing method stresses me out because I'm afraid I will do it wrong and mess up the diapers. This is ridiculous but it's how I feel.

8. I hurt my left foot near my toes somehow. This is (I think) unrelated to pregnancy, except having to limp around makes everything that much harder. I hope it goes away after Elliana is born.

9. I feel kind of silly going to see the midwife every week now, and basically saying & doing the same old thing. I never have questions to ask, and luckily, everything is always normal, so it almost feels like a waste of their time for them to see me.

10. I have tons of work to finish, both for work and for my classes, and it's nearly impossible to actually focus on any of it at this point.

11. Despite all this, I am so excited and can't wait for this baby girl to come and keep me awake around the clock, making my life a little more inconvenient but a lot more full and fun!

Panera Bread Love

2009-02-04T15:37:00.002-05:00

I am sitting in Panera Bread right now. In the back room, where they have lots of outlets for computers. Plus, at least during the day, no one sits back here which means I have lots of privacy and no distractions. I highly recommend the hazelnut coffee (it's a rare day today, that I actually want and enjoy coffee) and the creamy tomato soup. I got here around 12:30 and just finished the first writing of my sermon. I can't believe it's done already. There's something about working out of my office, in an environment like this, that helps me focus, even with the music playing and (sometimes) people around with their conversations. I used to do this in college a lot, too--head to Starbucks or another coffee shop and write papers, study, or read. It's soothing for my soul.

This Sunday is my FINAL sermon before I go on maternity leave. It's my last week to preach until at least April, and I am somewhat relieved. It's interesting, though, because I have mixed feelings. Preaching is a ton of extra work--I would say it adds at least 10-15 hours on top of what I already do during a typical week. And yet, I have really enjoyed the opportunity to do it more often. I never thought I would say that.

I feel like maybe God is changing me through this whole church experience of the last several months. I am trying to discern what that means. I still know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am in the right line of work, being in full-time ministry. It is a joy and I still feel passionate about showing people Jesus' love in this way, through the church. Perhaps now more than ever, I have a "bigger picture" mentality, being more involved in the larger church and not just the youth ministry. I am feeling the beginnings of wondering if God is refining my calling for the future, perhaps in another direction. There's something you can pray with me about. :)

P.S.--Another thing you can pray with me about is this horrible back & muscle pain! Seriously, I don't remember it being nearly this bad with my first baby! Argggghhhh. 3 more weeks to go...

Crushed ice and what not.

2009-01-30T12:39:00.004-05:00

I am sitting at my desk with my daily addiction, an XL drink filled with crushed ice from Fastrac (local gas station). I can officially say that I am now an addict. Since coffee used to be my passion, but I haven't totally gotten the stomach back for it during this pregnancy, I guess I had to replace it with something else. A few weeks ago, suddenly I started craving crushed ice--I mean CRAVING it. I quickly discovered that most fast food drive-thrus, even when you ask them specifically to fill the cup up completely with ice and then fill it with your drink, and even when they say "OK," completely ignore that request and give you a cup filled with the normal amount of ice, which any ice lover knows is never enough. (Side note--you'd think they would WANT to give you more ice since it saves them money on soda which is much more expensive than ice!!) In fact, the last time I went through the Arby's drive-thru, they actually gave me LESS ice in my drink than in Daniel's, even though he had asked for a full cup of ice for my drink. Grrr...

So anyway, my favorite place to get ice, which is way better than that fast food ice anyway, is Fastrac. You fill up your own cup, which means I can fill a 32 oz. cup completely with ice, then add mostly Sierra Mist, then a couple of bursts of fruit punch, and then top off whatever space is left with Sierra Mist again. Perfection. This also provides the perfect drink-to-ice ratio, where I can have ice AND drink with every sip and not worry about prematurely running out of one or the other. AND, Fastrac has a "drink club" card where when you buy 6 drinks, you get the 7th free, which is good for my addiction too. $1.28 for that whole cup of beautiful ice & drink.

You can probably tell I've thought about this a lot. This is embarrassing to admit, but I get one cup of this every day and usually can't stop thinking about it until I get it. (Hey, at least I limit myself to one, right?? That's what I tell myself anyway.) I hope this is just a pregnancy craving that will pass once I give birth.

Speaking of that, I am exactly 4 weeks away from Elliana's due date today. Weird to think that she is considered full-term now. I had an appointment with our midwife today, and everything looks great. Her head has descended and her heartbeat was 144 bpm. My belly measured 35 cm, which is right on track. I had noticed less painful movement in my ribcage and easier breathing for me, so I figured she must be lower than she was a week ago! It still seems so surreal that in a very short time, we will be parents of a newborn all over again. I'm not even sure I remember what to do with a newborn!!

And speaking of kids who are no longer newborns, Ethan is growing and changing every day, it seems like. He is much more willing to talk to people at church and friends of ours, and they can actually understand a lot of what he says! He comes up with the funniest ideas about things and I constantly find myself wondering where he heard that...then I realize he is probably imagining a lot of stuff all by himself! He & Daniel were at work with me yesterday, and while sitting in my office I happened to turn and catch a glimpse of him running down the hall. I am not kidding, I actually thought to myself, "Who's that kid?" He just looked too tall and too OLD to be mine. Time truly flies by and kids grow up so fast.

No Pain, No Gain

2009-01-23T11:28:00.003-05:00

Things are still crazy-ridiculous here at church. Obviously I'm not at liberty to share all the gory details, but we are still slowly dragging through all the mess and muck of our situation in order to get things back in order. It's such a strange place to be...as a staff member, when our senior pastor was still here the staff pretty much made decisions and ran the church. Not that that's necessarily the best way to run things, but that's what I've been used to for 4 1/2 years. Now, the church board is running the church. In many ways it takes a load off my mind & shoulders knowing there is a group of people helping us out, standing behind us, and making the tough decisions. At the same time, it's stressful! It's tough to learn a new "system," a new way of doing things, deal with different people, many of whom haven't been involved in the day-to-day running of the church, while simultaneously trying to keep our various ministries going smoothly. Plus, the added responsibility of the Preaching Rotation. (There are 4 of us here who take turns preaching during this interim time, and although it's ONLY once a month, it's starting to wear on me.)

Along with that, some days I question whether anyone thinks I have anything worthwhile to say or contribute. I get the distinct feeling from one person (board member) in particular that I am viewed as young, inexperienced, and pregnant (a.k.a., overly emotional). I want to scream--I AM YOUNG--but not as young as I was when you people hired me almost 5 years ago! True, I am not as experienced as someone who has been in full-time ministry for 20 years--but neither are you. And yes, I'm pregnant, but that doesn't mean you can dismiss everything I say as something that is driven by my hormones and is out of my control.

It's a frustrating place to be...and I know I'm learning a lot that God wants to teach me...probably dealing with my pride and sense of self-worth in a lot of ways, which is why it hurts so much. I want to come through this a better, more humble and Christ-like person. I have a long way to go.

Benjamin Gump

2009-01-20T17:18:00.003-05:00

Wait...whaaaaaat?

I haven't seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, probably because I see about 2 movies a year in the movie theater and my last one was in November, so I have to wait a little while longer to make it worthwhile. However, lots of reviews I've read have compared it to Forrest Gump. One website I found made it abundantly clear how similar the two stories are. Have you seen it? Is this pretty accurate? It's funny, at least!

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump - watch more funny videos

2009-01-20T02:06:00.002-05:00

One of the things they don't tell you about pregnancy is the heartburn. Obviously not all moms-to-be experience this lovely companion, but man, it stinks. Why else would I be awake and blogging at 2:07 am, if not for the fact that my chest feels like it's going to explode any minute?

Daniel and I got to get away for the day today, without work and without Ethan! We got our regular babysitter (plus some help from our friends), went out for breakfast, then met a few of Daniel's "river friends" (people he rafts & kayaks with) for snowshoeing at Barnes Corners, a set of trails a little south of here. Being almost 8 months pregnant, I was super proud of myself and the fact that I was able to go 2.5 miles on my snowshoes! Aside from having to stop and catch my breath a bit more often than normal, I felt great and I'm pretty sure Elliana enjoyed the ride, too. It was one of the best dates we've had in a long time. We always say, "We don't do this enough," but then it's months before we do it again. I think the reality is sinking in that very soon, we will have another little baby to take care of and won't be able to get away for a date quite so easily, at least for the first few months.

Wow, this heartburn is bad! Not the worst I've experienced--that was a couple of weeks ago, also at night, when I was in agony for a good hour or two--but definitely up there in the top five. I have taken everything I know of to help, and now all I can do is wait, I guess. Yuck!

Craigslist: My new bff

2009-01-18T16:27:00.002-05:00

Have you heard of this amazing website, www.craigslist.org? (I'm sort of being sarcastic here, because apparently you must've been living under a rock if you've never even heard of it.) I always knew what it was but never used it till recently. When I started thinking and gathering baby items we will need, I thought of checking there. Jackpot! There is tons of great stuff to be found. We got a like-new Graco carseat & base for $20. I also got an almost-new pump (TMI, anyone?), used 3 times, that is normally $350-$400 for $150. I just have to get a few parts for it (because it's kind of gross to share that stuff, especially with someone I don't know!) and I'm set. I put our V-Smile Baby system on there...so far it hasn't sold yet but I'm holding out hope. Better than ebay, for me, because it's local and FREE to list items.

Another amusing area I have found on the site is called "Rants and Raves." It's basically a big long string of people complaining about community "issues." I put that in quotations because one of the most recent hot topics has been the wearing of PJ's to Walmart--is it ok or not? It was a heated debate for a while, with people on both sides of the line. Hours of entertainment and time-wasting!

So now that I'm a walking ad for Craigslist, go check it out! Good times will be had by all!

Train Wreck

2009-01-09T10:16:00.002-05:00

I am, once again, an emotional basketcase.

There, I said it. No more pretending otherwise. No more beating myself up about it. Not that I'm going to run around with my unchecked crazy spewing out all over the place, but I have been sort of on the edge for the last couple of weeks and yet pretending to be my normal self.

Hopefully, my poor husband & son will be the only ones to experience the full-blown crazy. I am usually able to control myself around others. But seriously. I have cried, picked stupid fights, felt completely awful and then completely great within the same hour, been a failure and a great success (in my own mind) all at once. It's exhausting trying to keep up. So I quit.

Besides, I am still 7 weeks away from giving birth. We've got at least 3-4 more months of this. I'll understand if you stay away from me for a while! :)

Slowly but Surely

2009-01-07T18:01:00.002-05:00

I'm down to 7 weeks (give or take a week or so) till Elliana is due. I can't believe this pregnancy has gone by so fast--I was thinking about how, when I was pregnant with Ethan, I spent hours each week devouring my "What to Expect" book, trying to get prepared for any and every possibility, reading books on raising newborns, getting them to sleep through the night, be happy babies, etc. I also obsessed over articles on babycenter.com and other such websites.

This time around has been so different. I've barely picked up books or articles on pregnancy or babies. Needless to say, I've been through it once before, although I'm not sure I remember everything about taking care of a newborn (that information tends to slip away after a while of non-use). Not only that, but taking care of a toddler, plus working full-time and doing my share of taking care of the house hasn't left me much time for preparation or reflection. And before I know it, I will be starting all over again with another little newborn baby in my arms (and in my house)!

We're starting to get there. Ethan switched (successfully, so far) to a twin bed. He loves his new bed and sleeps really well in it. We still have to return the old crib, get a new one, switch to the bigger bedroom for the kids, and put shelving up in the closet so I can organize all the clothes that are starting to arrive for Ellie. And all that in 7 weeks--! Not sure I can do it. One step at a time, though, right?

Now I have another sermon to write. Preaching is a privilege and I'm glad to do it, and grateful for the opportunity and experience--but man, it's a lot of work!

**I'm trying to upload some recent pix for this post, but Blogger seems to be experiencing some difficulties...so I'll try again tomorrow!

It's A New Year

2009-01-03T17:40:00.003-05:00

For my first post of 2009, I thought I would post about things I'm looking forward to, and hoping for, this year.

-The birth of our 2nd child (and first daughter), Elliana Grace--coming around the end of February!

-Learning to snowshoe, and getting out there to do it, at least a little bit before Elliana comes.

-Going on a BIG mission trip with our youth group (location still TBD)

-Hitting 5 years of life & ministry here in Watertown, NY, as well as 5 years of married life!

-Finally finishing my COS classes so I can be eligible for ordination (I only have 2 to go after this month!)

-Starting my online master's degree in the fall, perhaps

-Taking a big family vacation to Disney World with grandparents and all

-Ethan becoming more of a "big boy," aka potty training! (We just can't wait to stop at every bathroom in every store we go to.)

-A trip to Georgia in October for Daniel's best friend's wedding

-Becoming a better wife, mom, follower of Jesus, friend, neighbor, leader, follower, pastor...

I'm sure there is much more in store than I can think of at this moment...and I am excited to meet all the challenges, joys, and even pain in our future.

2008-12-11T12:26:00.004-05:00

I feel good today. In fact, for the moment at least, I feel extremely good, productive, energetic, and want to tackle all kinds of huge jobs. (Talk to me at 8pm tonight and I may feel differently...) This whole roller-coaster emotional journey I am on daily as a result of my preggo hormones is really a crazy phenomenon. (To think, some women experience this ALL THE TIME. Or at least, once a month. Luckily, that's not the case for me.)

It's time to put Ethan in a big-boy bed. My parents brought an extra twin bed they had at their house when they were here for Thanksgiving, and it's currently propped up in Ethan's room because we haven't had space or time to set it up yet. His room is so small that it will require dismantling the crib to make space...which is actually convenient because there was a recall on his crib and we have to return it to Target and get a new one for Elliana anyway. He is super excited about his "new bed" and talks about it all the time, even dragging the new package of sheets around the house and showing them to everyone who will look. I hope that translates to being excited about actually sleeping in it! It's hard to believe he's getting so big. He even "helps" Daddy shovel the snow.

I was even so bold as to buy training pants at Target today--both the regular kind and the waterproof kind--in hopes that we may actually get him out of diapers in the next 2-3 months. We'll see...I may be a little too confident here. :)

Well, back to work. Getting all my random tasks done that need to happen before Christmas!

Craigslist: Holiday Rules

2008-12-09T13:25:00.001-05:00

I found the following post on Craigslist.org (my new favorite website).

I thought everyone could use some holiday rules:

As the holidays begin, I wanted to pass these tips along to you. Enjoy the spirit of the festivities.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet
table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see
carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum
balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare..
You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who
cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're
going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat.
Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's
Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of
gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of
your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
Repeat.

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk
or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a
sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control
your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat
other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New
Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the
buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of
eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like
frosted Christmas cookies or pralines in the shape and size of Santa,
position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can
before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair
of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them
again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or
if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin.
Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert?
Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the
mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have
some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party
or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.
Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather
to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Have a great holiday season

Christmas Decorating

2008-12-09T08:52:00.003-05:00

We finally got our Christmas boxes out yesterday...and I couldn't resist posting some pix. There are lots more on my facebook. :)

Preggo Brain

2008-12-06T18:15:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to post about lately. I am a hormonal, pregnant mess. I feel like a giant whale. I'll have to post pictures but I'm not that motivated right now. I am 28 weeks as of yesterday and in the 3rd trimester "home stretch." Some of my maternity jeans I have been wearing are getting too tight around the belly and other areas which shall remain unnamed. It sucks but I guess it's a part of life.

Daniel is making a "pulk"--some type of sled you attach to your waist and pull your little kids behind you in. He is way too excited about this project. We got snowshoes for an early Christmas gift and he has been out, tromping around our tiny yard in them. I refuse to do that, waiting for the opportunity to actually go to the park or on a trail to try mine out. We planned to go today but Ethan ruined that by taking a 3 1/2 hour nap.

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. I haven't yet had the energy to get the decorations out yet, although I wish I could just make them magically appear around my house.

We have a million feet of snow. Actually, only about a foot from this most recent snowstorm--but it's enough to make everything pretty again. I love winter and this beautiful snow reminds me of one more reason why I am actually glad to live where I do, in the frozen tundra of upstate NY. I may want to remember this feeling in April (sometimes even May) when it's STILL snowing and I am sick and tired of it!

Those are my random thoughts for the moment. The randomness just illustrates how scattered I feel these days!

Wii Alerts

2008-12-04T17:23:00.003-05:00

So I am looking for a Wii Fit. Unfortunately, my birthday is in late November so I got all this birthday money to buy it with--and of course, with the Christmas season upon us--wii fits are NOWHERE to be found in any store or online.

I signed up for this website, wiialerts.com, that will send you an email and text to your phone when one becomes available online. I have gotten exactly 7 texts from them since last weekend, and even when I get on my computer immediately (we're talking, like less than one minute), the wii fit is mysteriously out of stock anyway. ARG.

The other ironic thing is that when I tell my friends I am looking for one, they say things like, "Oh, I just saw a whole bunch of them at Sam's Club this morning when I was there." I call Sam's. No luck, of course. I do have my doubts as to whether they really saw them or just saw another Wii box that looks like the wii fit.

Anyway...this whole looking for a much-wanted item at Christmas really, really sucks. Of course, if/when I do end up finding one, I will feel victorious.

Forward Motion

2008-11-24T13:35:00.003-05:00

I forced myself (dragged myself, really) to work this morning. I usually try to take it easy on Monday, mostly because of the stress of Sunday and all that. Thanksgiving this week forced me to come in to get some neglected "chores" done around the office. There is NO ONE in my office today. Our secretary is usually here but even she had to leave early today, so I am completely alone with my thoughts. (and my music, and the ringing phone.)

I forgot the reward that comes when I actually force myself to get to the office when no one else is here and no one needs me to be here. I can actually get so much work done! All kinds of little tasks I have been putting off for a week or two are finally getting done. Plus, some relaxation and reflection time is always necessary.

God has really given me peace regarding our situation at the moment. Every aspect of our lives is truly in his hands. I don't have to worry or fret, because God is taking care of us, as he always has. I don't have to know what the future holds, because God knows. My motto these days is "taking it one day at a time." That's all God is asking me to do. Baby steps. Moving in a forward direction. It's a joy.

Sermon

2008-11-20T15:52:00.002-05:00

I am sitting at my dining room table, working on my sermon for this Sunday. Since we are without a senior pastor now, the three pastors left on staff have been taking turns preaching, and this week I'm it. I am also drinking diet Dr. Pepper, and occasionally glancing out the window at the neighbor's house, where they have a guy installing some sort of covering over their back steps.

Working on a sermon is a funny thing. Since I don't preach every Sunday, I usually have a couple of weeks to formulate and think about what I will preach on. Try as I may, though, the sermon never comes together early. It seems that divine inspiration has its own timetable, and it's always just in time. When I try to force the words to come together, I end up failing pretty miserably and having to rewrite pretty much the entire thing. Same with youth group messages.

So you can chalk that up to my own nature of procrastination, or needing the pressure to write well...or maybe it really is something about God being right on time?

Although I didn't realize it right away, my sermon is really intimately wrapped up in my life right now and what I'm going through. At first, I thought of the passage (Numbers 13-14, where the Israelite spies enter Canaan and most of them come back with tales of woe while Joshua and Caleb are ready to go in for the victory) as just a cool passage we talked about recently in our small group. I even thought, "This will be good for our church right now." But as I write, as I think, as I pray, as I process, I am seeing more and more that God has a lot to teach me on stepping outside of my comfort zone. The Israelite people are basically saying, "We'd rather be comfortable in failure than uncomfortable in victory." How often have I said that without knowing it? In a women's Bible study group I am a part of, we are reading "Experiencing God" by Blackaby & Blackaby. This week's chapter was about true servanthood, and what God will do in & through you if you are fully surrendered to Him. A thought that struck me as I read the chapter was, "So many of us (including me sometimes) don't really, truly want to be servants of God--because it's uncomfortable, unknown, and scary." Wow.

So that's what I'm wrestling with right now. Stay tuned for Sunday (if you attend my church, that is!).

Stranger In My Own Life

2008-11-18T14:10:00.004-05:00

The title of this post is the best way I can describe my life over the last several weeks. It has not been "business as usual", and it has not been especially easy or routine. There has been so much happening in my personal and professional life that I think my head is reeling from all the change, all the stress, and all the things I am constantly consumed with thinking about. It's the feeling that I am a stranger in my own life.

Of course, there are those constant happy places for me: my family, my close friends, and, of course, shopping! Well, for me, more like "looking at stuff I don't really need and can't afford anyway." It's still a form of therapy. (Although I DID buy another bag last week...but it was like 60% off and SO cute.)

Last week around this time, I got to the point where I was so stressed, depressed, and upset,that I was unable to escape my own mind for even a little while. It was Veterans Day and so Daniel and I both had the day off work. By his encouragement, I took a book (The Shack by William Paul Young--that's a whole separate post though!) and headed off to Panera Bread to enjoy some chai, some alone time, and some peace and quiet. A couple of hours later, I felt like a new woman. My problems didn't magically go away, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I could deal with them. I didn't feel consumed or dragged under by the sheer weight of them. And I spent some quality time with my journal (my favorite form of communication with God) to work some things out.

So, even though my life is strange and sort of messy right now, I am hanging in there. Taking one day at a time is so much better than worrying about tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year. I truly feel at peace, at this moment, knowing God's taking care of the rest that I just can't handle right now.

I have a sermon to write for this Sunday, and I can't think of a better place to work on it than Panera Bread...chai latte, here I come!

Our Man-Spider

2008-11-01T12:25:00.003-04:00

We took Ethan trick-or-treating with a bunch of friends last night. What a blast! He actually "got it" this year and the weather was nice, despite the snow you see in the background of the picture; that was just the remnants of the huge freak snowstorm we had a few days ago. He was a spider, although he kept telling everyone he was "Spiderman." He got some candy and actually had a really good time going to people's doors with some of his little friends. We went with 3 other families and their little kids (7 kids in all, ranging in age from 3 months to 4 years), so it was a bit of a zoo, but so much fun.

This is the aftermath of the Halloween spectacular--Daddy gave him a bath (which was AWESOME because I was beat) and put him to bed a little early. All the festivities wore all of us out and we spent the evening catching up on Grey's Anatomy episodes in bed.

Today is great, too, since I don't have to go anywhere or do anything in particular. The Pumpkin Patch is finally over (!) and this is the first Saturday I've sat at home and done almost nothing in a long, long time. I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!

Survivorman

2008-10-26T17:25:00.001-04:00

Here's the Survivorman announcement video in all its glory...

I make announcement videos every week, six months out of the year...but this one is pretty hilarious (if you can get past the bad sound quality). Thank goodness for guys who are willing to make fools of themselves so I can look good and make a funny video.

Today.

2008-10-25T18:03:00.003-04:00

We took a trip to Michigan this week. I discovered that it is a LONG drive. Much longer than I remembered. (I think I rediscover this fact every time we go there, which is only about once a year.) I also came home with my husband's cold, although so far I have kept it somewhat at bay, only feeling a little tired, sluggish, and yucky--not nearly as bad as he had it (at least not so far). Finally, I got to get away from regular life for a few days--it was nice to be in a different environment, far from the stress of stuff here.

Now that I am home, I am suddenly in the mood to start all kinds of home improvement projects. I think it's dawning on me that we are having another baby in 4 short months, and we had all these little (or big) projects we wanted to do, and it's time to do them. Right this second. I went on a spree and rearranged our living room this afternoon. We are sanding our stairway, getting ready to paint--we even went and got the paint & supplies today. I also want to redo some things in our bedroom before little Elliana comes into the world--although that project is a little more negotiable. Oh yeah, and I took a nap this afternoon too. All this thinking about home improvement projects, plus this cold, is making me tired.

Time to make the announcement video for church tomorrow morning. Daniel filmed some Survivorman type footage that I actually haven't seen yet, so I am hoping & praying it turned out good...and funny, of course.

Our Hike

2008-10-17T14:47:00.005-04:00

We finally got to go on a fall hike! We are semi-crunchy and love the outdoors, especially in the spring & fall when the temperatures aren't so extreme. We went to a new park that we hadn't been to before--Pixely Falls--and there was just a short hike/trail that we went through. Although I can't complain, because I'm not sure that I could've made it for our usual 5 mile or so hike that we like to do. Maybe I'm out of shape? I'll just blame it on the pregnancy & baby.

Ethan had a great time and so did Jack (dog)--although it was a little too crowded to let him off the leash like we usually like to do on a hike. We'll have to go on a less popular day than Columbus Day, or else a less popular park. I personally like hiking in the Adirondacks a little more. Pixely Falls was nice but not nearly as scenic as some mountain hikes we've done.

The Supernatural Call

2008-10-15T11:20:00.002-04:00

From Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest, September 29:

If a man or woman is called of God, it does not matter how untoward circumstances are, every force that has been at work will tell for God's purpose in the end. If you agree with God's purpose He will bring not only your conscious life, but all the deeper regions of your life which you cannot get at, into harmony.

This particular reading was very instrumental in my own call to full-time ministry, and recently God has brought it back to my mind & heart. I am going through some rough days in ministry and it has been difficult, sometimes, to remember exactly why I'm here. God's call on my life is why I am here, doing what I'm doing. Some days I am surrounded by adversity and discouragement; but even those days pass and I remember God's call. Small moments throughout my week allow me to keep going, and hang in there, remembering that God never said it would be easy but he did promise he'd be with me. There are good things, plenty of them, in the midst of the bad. We are blessed to be able to minister at this time, at this place, and in these circumstances. Some days I have to remind myself of that fact over and over...but I am reminded.

Elliana Grace

2008-10-10T11:59:00.003-04:00

I can't believe I forgot to post this...I got on facebook the minute we got back, but not here...anyway, in case you're not already "in the know", we found out on Tuesday that we are having a baby girl!

So, this is Elliana Grace Cash (Ellie for short). We are planning on her making her appearance in the world somewhere around the end of February...February 27 to be exact, although what babies are actually born on their due dates?

Ethan has been pretty hilarious throughout this whole process so far. We have been trying to get it in his head that Mommy has a new baby in her tummy. His response is often to lift up his own shirt and examine his tummy to see if he, too, has a baby in there. He now likes to point to my belly and say "baby sister," although I haven't heard him say Ellie yet. And obviously, being not quite 2 1/2, he has no clue what having a baby sister actually means. I think he may have a difficult adjustment period at first, as all toddlers seem to, but I'm excited for him to become a big brother and for our family to expand.

Now we just have to figure out what to do with 2 little ones in our tiny house. We do have 3 bedrooms, although the current nursery is not going to be big enough for a crib and a bed. Our 3rd bedroom has been a guest room, and one that is often used, so we don't want to get rid of that if we can help it! (Gyles, Leanne, and Johnny B, plus grandparents, need a place to stay when they come to W-town!) My wonderful parents are going to donate a twin bed for Ethan. Speaking of which, does anyone have any advice on moving a toddler from a crib to a bed? I think he's more than ready although the whole idea of that, plus potty training, pretty much terrifies me.

One more terrifying idea: I am thinking of using cloth diapers for this next time around. Now, I have absolutely zero experience with cloth diapers. Ethan was a disposable diaper kid all the way. But, with the huge cost of everything these days, I think cloth might be a much more affordable way to go, plus of course, it's hard to ignore the environmental impact that a few tons of disposable diapers has. Does anyone have any experience/insight with cloth diapers these days? I have done some research on the internet, but there are so many varieties and different systems that I have no clue which works for people and which doesn't. (Yes, I very well may be crazy, but hey...I successfully made my own baby food for Ethan while working full-time and there's no reason I can't also use cloth diapers for Ellie!!)

Ok, I got all my baby talk out in one post. No more for a while, I promise. LOL.

Twilight

2008-10-10T11:49:00.002-04:00

YES, I'm a nerd. Or a 13 year old girl, at heart. Either way, I am not embarrassed about the fact that I am excited about the new Twilight movie coming out...

Well, maybe I am a little embarrassed. But I have read all the books, and even though my husband may make fun of me, I don't care. Here's the newest trailer for the movie:

Twilight

Tired.

2008-10-01T16:28:00.002-04:00

I. Am. Tired. Stressed. Wiped. Out.

Since my college days, I have discovered that my body responds to stress by becoming sleepy...very sleepy. Some people use eating as therapy for stress...some people use NOT eating as therapy...some people get irritable and angry...still others exercise...and I sleep. Sleeping is great therapy--and, contrary to what you might think, even though the mess is still there when I wake up, I somehow feel better about it and more able to deal with it.

Unfortunately, when you have a "real" job it doesn't always allow for naptime in the middle of the afternoon. So I guess I need another way to deal with the stress...perhaps some chocolate?

Pumpkins, Procrastination, and Peanut

2008-09-30T15:13:00.003-04:00

It's almost October! Fall means the beginning of new fall tv shows, cooler weather, and...mountains and mountains of pumpkins. Never ending pumpkins...yes, folks, the Pumpkin Patch is officially open this Saturday from 10am-7pm. We unload Friday at 5pm and ideally everything will magically appear in the church lawn (i.e., giant tent, pallets for walkway, orange lights, etc. etc.) before then. There is NOTHING out there now. Scary? A bit, yes. But it's how I roll. If you're in the area, come buy your pumpkins from us and support the youth ministry at the same time!

I had a hazelnut hot chocolate today from Starbucks. Nothing better on an overcast, cool afternoon than an overpriced but super yummy drink. I still can't do the coffee thing--Baby Peanut (that's what we're calling this little guy/girl inside my belly for now) does not approve. Speaking of guy/girl, next week at this time we should be looking at Peanut through this great piece of technology called the ultrasound! Can't wait to find out. As much as I'd like it to be a surprise, we can't wait and will probably tell all our friends and relatives not only the sex of the baby, but the name we have picked out too. Yes, we have a boy name and a girl name pretty firmly in place. My lips are sealed until we know which it will be. Other than the coffee aversion, though, I'm feeling pretty great these days. That awesome 2nd trimester--you aren't too much of a whale yet, you're past the morning sickness and exhaustion, and you just feel great knowing you have another little miracle inside. I will look back and remember this feeling when I am 8 months pregnant and feel like a giant cow who can't wait to get this baby out!

That's all for now. Gotta go get some actual "work" done.

Luchador's Guitar Hero Battle

2008-09-24T15:27:00.001-04:00

I hate to just post YouTube videos on my blog, but this one I just came across is classic. This comes from University Baptist Church in Waco, TX, home to David Crowder Band (and lots and lots of college students).

Jesus Is My Friend

2008-09-23T14:33:00.003-04:00

I really must be like the millionth person in the blog world to post this video--but that doesn't make it any less funny! This is a video a friend sent me, that is apparently picking up speed extremely quickly on YouTube and through blogs. Yes, it is serious.

And here is an amazing response to this video from David Crowder Band. Apparently they heard/saw the original video on their church's announcement video and came up with their "remix" version during the sermon for later performance.

Reality Check

2008-09-20T09:18:00.003-04:00

As you may know, I am sort of a techno-geek. Not in the sense that I read Popular Science, or follow what's going on with the latest & coolest gadgets that come out...well, not really. I just love technology (remember Kip from Napoleon Dynamite?), especially Apple technology. I am a proud MacBook user and up until yesterday, had the greatest cell phone out there--an iPhone. Sadly, my church switched everyone to Verizon (I was the only one on AT&T), and I had to say goodbye to my precious iPhone. It seems like it will still work as basically an iPod Touch, which is cool, but not as cool as when it represented my whole technological universe. I have a sort of cool new cell phone, the Samsung Glyde, but it's not nearly as cool when you've been using an iPhone for the past 9 months.

I keep trying to tell myself that it's just stuff and it doesn't matter that much...or rather, it shouldn't matter that much. Every time I think I'm not too attached to my stuff, or my comfort, or whatever, I end up in a situation like this one that is out of my control, and I realize something about myself. I am, or was, a little too attached to something not all that important. Hmm...makes me think. At least I'm becoming a better person through all this...right?

Goodbye, iPhone. :(

Chuck Norris Action Jeans

2008-09-16T14:54:00.003-04:00

And We're Off...

2008-09-10T15:56:00.002-04:00

I love fall. I love the start of school...I have a secret wish that I could buy new school supplies and clothes, too. I love the little bit of chill in the air, and the absence of humidity (at least here up north) that tells me autumn is on its way.

I also love the fact that it's a return to normalcy for my family. Our summer schedule is a little nuts, what with all the traveling, youth group stuff, and Daniel's rafting job taking him out of the house for 12-hour days. In much the same way that I embrace the freedom & warmth of summer and its loose schedule, I am totally looking forward to the way things get a little more rigid and predictable in the fall.

So far, we haven't been there yet. Vacation to GA last week threw us off a little, and we are working on a HUGE campaign thing for church/work that is taking up lots and lots of night and weekend hours. I think my head is reeling a little bit...or a lot. There's a lot in my life that is up in the air right now, too, which adds to the stressed, out-of-control feeling.

While in GA, we visited a church that Daniel's cousins attend. It was one of those moments...you know, when the pastor is speaking right to you. I can't remember enough details to share everything with you here about the sermon, but the basic message I got from God is that I am not exempt from the storms of life. I don't know everything, and I don't have perfect faith. Therefore, when I go through hard times, I shouldn't be surprised that I'm there in the valley. I shouldn't protest, "But God, look at all I do for you!" God is there for me during these times just like he is there for all those other people...students in my youth group, people in my church, people I pass on the street, even. I am trusting God one day at a time, and trying to take things as they come. And eventually, hopefully, I'll get back to that place where life is a little more predictable.

Rainy Days...

2008-08-13T10:39:00.002-04:00

There are some days that rain makes me depressed. I wake up, see the gloomy skies, and feel sad and depressed. Those are the days I'd rather just stay in bed, in my PJ's, with a book and a cup of coffee (or, in my current condition, maybe hot chocolate or plain old water).

But then there are other days...like today...when rain makes me feel strangely peaceful. The dark sky, the need to turn on my extra lamp in my office and light my candle, and the sound of the rain pounding against my window all serve to make me feel cozy, and that all is right in my little world. After a stressful morning with too much to do and too little time, I love the thunder and the lightning. The sun is almost too much on days like these. I'd rather stay inside and be quiet today.

Phil Wickham is my BFF.

2008-08-08T08:28:00.004-04:00

Let me direct your attention to the new link on my blog, good today only! Phil Wickham is offering a free download of a live album he recorded back in May in Portland, OR. If you haven't heard his music before, now is your big chance. What's better than great music? Great music that is free!

Non-Constructive Criticism

2008-08-07T12:24:00.004-04:00

I'm sort of down in the dumps today. Last night, I was talking to a friend and found out that someone isn't happy with me. In fact, specifically mentioned were the job that I do (how I do it), the way that I treat other people, and even my priorities. I have to say, it stung. A lot. My friend who told me this stuff really wanted to help resolve the issue, and so she told me what she had heard from this other person.

Evaluating this person's comments as objectively as I can, I don't think there is much truth to it. In fact, I know I have room for improvement, but to assume things about me like this person did was really awful and incorrect. The thing that hurt the most is that this is a person I thought I had a pretty good relationship with--not a close friend, but a friend anyway. I would have thought that if they had come and talked with me about their concerns, we could resolve some of the misunderstandings and some of the reasons they're unhappy.

Whenever someone criticizes or talks badly about me, I take it to heart, probably more than I should. I have a hard time getting past that, and even when I turn my mind to other things, that hurt and that criticism still come back to haunt me. A couple of years ago, when I was under harsh criticism and anger from some parents in the youth group, Pastor Greg gave me some good advice. He basically told me that a person can spend 5 seconds talking badly about you, and then forget all about it-or at least not think about it much after that. On the other hand, when the gossip gets back to you, and you spend hours and days dwelling on it and worrying about it and thinking about it, you're giving them much more credit than they deserve.

I guess I worry too much about everyone liking me all the time. To a certain extent, that is a natural human tendency. But I tend to take it too far. My job is not to make everyone happy all the time. It's easy to relate someone else being angry at me to my spiritual life, and think that I am not right with God unless I have no conflict in my life. I know that's not true.

At this point, I have done what I can to deal with this situation. The ball is in the other person's court now, and I have other things to focus on. I just need to learn to let it go and let God deal with me and with the situation.

Ugh.

2008-08-03T00:10:00.003-04:00

So, I'm sitting here at midnight on Saturday night, of course finishing the announcement video that I really should've done earlier in the week for church tomorrow, and everything has been turned off--the TV is off, my computer sound is off, everyone is asleep (well, not Daniel, but he is quiet)...and the DVD just finished burning. What do I hear? Nothing...for a few glorious seconds. Then I start hearing pitter-patter of little feet above my head. Is it my adorable toddler son? No--smaller feet than that. (Plus, he is in a crib and can't get out even if he wanted to.) The only conclusion I have left to consider is that some sort of rodent, most likely a mouse, somehow got itself between the floors of my house and is now running amok in MY ceiling.

Daniel mentioned that he heard some rodent-type noises a few nights ago when he was up late. I sort of laughed and didn't really believe him. I mean, seriously, a mouse? No way. Luckily, I haven't seen any evidence of rodent activity anywhere in the house--the kitchen is clean, the food is untouched, even my basement stores of food are just fine. There haven't been droppings or anything. But I can't ignore the evidence I am hearing above my head at this moment. It is SO freaky to hear this thing running around plain as day, and not be able to do anything about it right now.

I told Daniel it's his man-job to go in the attic (the most likely place for a mouse to get inside) and check every corner, every possible opening, etc. My friend Terri, who lives in a super old farmhouse in a big field with woods all around, tells me that mice can get through the smallest openings into your house. Without calling an exterminator or whatever, though, how the heck am I supposed to get this one out of my ceiling??!

By the way, we're pretty sure it IS just one, at least so far. We only hear one set of legs running around so unless they're taking turns, at least it's not an infestation. Yet. GROSS. Time to get some mousetraps, I guess.

Baby

2008-07-31T12:39:00.003-04:00

For some reason, I just started feeling terrified about having 2 kids. We're expecting our second in February, which is a LONG way off--but I'm still worried. I've felt ready for another baby for several months now, and Dan & I were both overjoyed when the good old stick had that double line or whatever. And suddenly, today, I feel terrified. I started thinking about my friends who have more than one small child, and looking at their lives and thinking, "I could never pull that off." Rather than seeing my successful parent-friends and feeling relieved, I am more nervous than ever.

I'm sure this is natural...right? Now we're at the point of no return--I'm about 11 weeks along--and can't change the fact that a few months from now, we will be proud parents of two. Just thinking about all the things that need to happen between now and then is a little overwhelming. We will have to find a way to fit two kids in the nursery, get Ethan a big bed, get Ethan to sleep in that bed and not in the crib, hopefully potty-train him so we don't have to buy two sets of diapers, finish various home improvement projects...and the list goes on.

This, by the way, is coming from a woman who always said she wanted 3-4 kids. My husband will laugh if he reads this. I still reserve final judgement on how many kids will be enough, but right now 2 is scary enough for me.

2008-07-27T20:54:00.002-04:00

Well, it's those scattered days of summer for us...we have both been super busy, in & out of town, and our house is a mess. I have been on two trips since I last wrote, one to Toronto with just a few kids, and more recently just got back from teen camp with 100 students and about 25 staff. I am exhausted, to say the least.

Great news though--with the $$ I received from directing teen camp, I just went out and bought a Nintendo Wii tonight! Wahoo! Some friends of ours have one, and we've played it enough to get hooked. I fully plan to veg out tonight and tomorrow playing this crazy contraption. Right now Daniel's making his mii and I'm waiting for my turn.

More reflections on camp, etc. to follow...I'm just too darn tired right now.

Friends are friends forever...

2008-07-08T17:29:00.003-04:00

Ahhhhhhh.

That's how I've been feeling the last few days...not the "AHHHH!!" like I'm freaking out, but the refreshing "ahhhhhh" of taking a drink of something cold and preferably caffeinated.

We had our awesome friends Gyles, Shane & Karen visiting last week/weekend. I've blogged about them before--and having everyone here again felt like a family reunion. Dan & I just dropped Gyles off at the airport to fly back to California, and as we were driving home we were sad but also feeling totally blessed. We know that we have found friends for a lifetime. These are the friends that our kids are going to get sick of hearing about, because even if we live a long distance apart (us in NY, Gyles in CA, Shane & Karen soon to be in France), it's like no time has passed when we all get together again. Our lives change, we have grown up in mant ways, but those bonds stay there. Things feel right.

Not to shortchange our friends here in NY--Jason & Kim, Bec & Phil, and so many others have made us better people and I know we will be friends for a lifetime too. I used to wonder what that would be like, and if I would ever have friends that would last forever. I know that sounds dumb, but I'm not a person who looks back. When one phase is over, I'm into the next one and not hanging on. But I am so glad to be blessed with people in my life like this, people who care about me and who I care about, with whom I've shared joyful and sad moments, and who have seen the worst, and best, of me and love me anyway. It's a wonderful thing, and I can't help but feel like I'm seeing a little bit of heaven when I get to experience true community like this.

(Yes, the title of this blog is a reference to a cheesy 80's Christian song...you can laugh along with me at the ridiculousness of that song.)

"Lazy" Days

2008-06-27T14:03:00.002-04:00

Don't you love those days at work when you really feel like you have nothing you HAVE to do? That's not entirely true for me, of course...it never really is. But I don't have any pressing tasks that are demanding my attention today. If I went home right now, it wouldn't really be a big deal. The world wouldn't fall apart, and things would keep right on going because at this moment, I don't have all that important of a part to play.

Days like these give me a chance to think, to look ahead, to work on writing that curriculum that I usually don't have devoted time for. I am able to step back, look ahead and plan, and even look back and evaluate in my own mind what is going well in this youth ministry, and what needs changing.

We just finished our "school year" regular programming, and are now entering the more laid-back programming of summer. Of course, the programming is laid-back because everyone (including me) is so busy with camps, mission trips, and vacations. I think it's good. It's good to take a break, to have some natural breathing room in the schedule, and to step back and prepare for this summer, for the fall, for next summer even.

Did I mention how much I love summer?

All Is Right

2008-06-25T13:23:00.004-04:00

Daniel is finally home! Here's a pic of him with his best friend Ben, and Ben's fiancee Talia:

I have to admit, I had an amazing time by myself this week. I was totally prepared to be lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, stressed. I'm not sure whether I should chalk it up to my relaxation vow, or all my friends praying for me and helping me out, or just the fact that I'm stronger alone than I thought I was. Maybe a little bit of all 3. But it's true what they say: Absence really does make the heart grow fonder. And I really am so happy that he got to spend the last 10 days relaxing and doing his favorite thing in the world, kayaking.

Next week begins the usual summer craziness...summers in youth ministry are always crazy busy, with various trips, schedule changes, and lack of regular office hours for me. I usually enter the summer with a little bit of trepidation, but right now I'm feeling pretty calm and ready for everything.

Deliberate Relaxation

2008-06-21T11:10:00.004-04:00

Remember how I talked about dedicating this week to some rest and relaxation? It's proving to be harder than I thought. It is so easy--it's unbelievable how easy--to fill up every spare moment of my schedule with something. And when I found myself doing just that this week, I realized that I really wasn't doing a great job of what I set out to do this week.

I've had an unexpected temptation this week, and that is to go, go, go without limits. When Daniel is home I don't have the option to DO as much as I've done this week--through no fault of his, but just because of family obligations and the importance of spending time together. This week, there has been no one at home waiting for me (besides my doggie, of course) and so Ethan and I were totally free.

There have been good and bad things. The good: I have spent lots of great times with friends--some old, some new--that I really haven't made time to be with lately outside of church or work. The bad: We have been going so many places and doing so many things that it's become more stressful than relaxing. Therefore, I am making a choice to skip something this afternoon. Skipping out on stuff is something I rarely have the luxury of choosing, and today I'm doing it. I would probably have a good time if I went, but I'm not sure it's worth loading Ethan up in the car once more and packing ourselves up. I'm totally staying home this afternoon, and loving every minute of it!

Frustrating delegation.

2008-06-19T16:30:00.003-04:00

I am struggling to learn about delegation lately. It seems like this is something I have struggled with in the past, so maybe God's trying to teach me something. Plus, the sermon I had to preach last week was on delegation (not my choice of topic) so it's been on my mind & heart a lot lately.

As the one in authority in my youth ministry, for instance, how much leeway do I give a youth worker planning an event? I tend to step way back and if someone says they are going to do something, I am totally hands-off and want them to do it. The problem is, so often it seems that they don't take care of everything (even when I give them a list of specific tasks) and I end up getting stuck with all the details that they can't/don't want to think about. I get frustrated with what I perceive as their lack of responsibility. This has happened more than once, with different leaders and different events. Of course, to be fair, I have also had youth workers who are able to plan every aspect of an event or project and do a FANTASTIC job with it.

So maybe I am expecting too much? I try to offer myself and my help early and often throughout the planning process. Maybe I'm too hands-off, though. Maybe I'm not being fair to the leader by letting them take on too much burden that they are unable to deal with. After all, planning events is a huge part of my job and so I am used to dealing with all of the little details. Some others, I know, are not as experienced with stuff like that, and aren't sure how to make it all happen.

So how do I balance the two things? I worked as a youth intern for a boss who was breathing down my neck all summer, checking and double-checking every detail of what I did. It drove me nuts and caused our previously good relationship to be ruined by the end of the summer. Thinking of him and that summer still causes me pain to this day. I actively seek to NOT be like that guy. I work for a boss now who is as hands-off as any senior pastor could be. To me, that communicates that he respects and trusts me, and has confidence in my ability to judge what needs to be done and get it done. I appreciate that a lot.

I know not everyone is like me. Maybe I am approaching my youth workers as if they were like me, which obviously they are not. They have varying levels of experience and interest, and I know I need to learn to deal with the different types of people as they come.

In the meantime, I am pretty sure that, most of the time, delegating authority causes me more work than if I just did the job myself. I know it's a good thing...I just have trouble remembering why at times like these!!

Wed-nes-day

2008-06-18T13:38:00.003-04:00

There used to be a local radio host here in Watertown who would always pronounce Wednesday phonetically: WED-NEZ-DAY. It drove me nuts. So naturally, I am using it as the title of my blog today. To share the annoyance with you.

Ethan and I went over to a friend's house last night for a girls' night--well, the moms anyway. Between the 3 of us girls, we had 3 boys and 1 girl under the age of four, plus one still in utero but due to be born in less than a month now. Needless to say, it was mass chaos but we had a great time chatting and eating junk food while making sure our kids didn't trash the house too much.

I also finished one of my two sermons I had to write this week--bonus--and now I just have to finish the second one before Sunday.

Finally, I woke up with the start of a cold overnight last night and feel pretty awful today. I haven't taken any cold medicine (sort of a protest on my part, I guess--if I don't need medicine I must not be sick, right?) but still feel like my head is underwater most of the time. Plus, I have that thing where my nose hurts to breathe through it.

Generally I try to avoid the mundane details of my life on this blog--I mean, really, who cares if I have a head cold or what I'm doing with the minutes of my day? But writing is kind of therapy for me right now. I promise, I'll get back to the deeper stuff as it comes.

Chicken!!

2008-06-17T15:51:00.003-04:00

Well, so far so good. I took yesterday off work but got a lot done, while still maintaining my sense of rest and sanity. Today I'm working on finishing a sermon outline (for a class) so I can start on the next one! Both are due by Sunday...although I don't have to preach them right now, at least.

I had fried chicken for lunch today. I never eat fried chicken, but for some reason I was totally craving it today. I went with my coworkers to a local grocery store to get our lunch (they tell me the subs there are amazing), but when I saw the fried chicken that's all I could think about.

Now I sort of have a stomachache, and I remember why I don't eat fried chicken. Hmm.

My 10 Days Alone

2008-06-16T09:51:00.002-04:00

Well, it's official--Daniel is kayaking & hanging out with his buddy Ben in Georgia for ten days. He left at about 3am yesterday morning and won't be back till Tuesday night, June 24.

I admit, I am slightly nervous to be here by myself for 10 days. This has never happened before--the longest he's been gone since we've been married is ONE night. I've left Daniel and Ethan home while I go on various youth group & mission trips, but now it's his turn to go and mine to stay! My military wife friends tell me it's easier if you stay busy. That way you don't have time to contemplate how lonely you are, or think of ways to kill your kids because they are driving you crazy. HA.

Rather than staying ridiculously busy, like I usually am in an average week, I think I might take this alone time as a blessing. I have been on the edge of burnout for a while now--just discouraged, totally exhausted, and way too busy. When I do take a day off or , take it easy, I feel guilty because of all the things I'm not getting done that day. I have become aware that this is no way to live life. Existing at such a high stress level isn't enjoyable for me or anyone around me, and it takes the joy out of everyday things like playing with Ethan in the backyard or having lunch with a friend. Before I know it I'm NOT playing or relaxing because I'm thinking about work, whether it's job-related work or work at home.

So I am dedicating this week to some rest. Of course I still have to go to work, clean the house, grocery shop, and hang out with some friends, but I am going to set some specific boundaries for how and when those things happen. Hopefully I will emerge from this week alone a much better rested, happier person!

Busy Day

2008-06-11T12:54:00.004-04:00

How is it 1pm already?

Today, I have already:

1. Gone to the store to pick up various gifts plus some other essentials for home.

2. Taken Ethan to the store with me and successfully kept him happy for the whole trip!

3. Put out ant bait in my kitchen because I now have ants. (!!)

4. Sorted out various gifts to wrap later.

5. Picked up my lunch at Big M (for $11!! holy expensive grocery store batman!!).

6. Drooled over the plants at the farmer's market, which sadly I have no time to visit today.

7. Responded to work-related emails that have been sitting in my inbox for a week.

My list of things I still have to do, hopefully today, in no particular order:

1. Get at least the outline for my sermon finished (I'm preaching this weekend).

2. Get myself to the grocery store so we can eat dinner tonight.

3. Reserve a van for our rafting trip this Saturday (we are taking 18 kids!!).

4. Read some more for my preaching class.

5. Film the announcement video for this weekend--editing to happen hopefully tomorrow.

6. Call the kids going on the aforementioned rafting trip to confirm that they are actually going.

7. Make copies and distribute flyer for big youth outreach event happening next weekend.

8. Father's Day cards??

9. Go home later, spend some time with my hubby, son & in-laws, and then come back to be a part of small groups.

10. Collapse on the couch tonight and get ready to start all over again tomorrow!

Bad Contact Day

2008-06-10T16:44:00.002-04:00

For those of you who wear contacts, don't you hate it when they get blurry, or all dried out so you have to blink a lot, or just irritate your eyes? Yeah, I know, that usually means it's time for a new pair. But my contacts seem to be a metaphor for my whole day.

I got ready and went to work this morning (while it was 83 degrees inside my house and probably 80% humidity, at least), and I had some trouble with my right contact right from the start. It was blurry, then I would rinse it and it would be fine, only to get blurry again 20 minutes later. I really like sunglasses on a sunny day, so I didn't want to take out my contacts and wear glasses.

I proceeded into staff meeting, the details of which I will not go into, but suffice it to say it was a pretty miserable experience for all involved. Now I have a headache and am way behind on my work for the week due to my puking illness over the weekend.

My whole day was blurry and uncomfortable, like my contact. Coincidence? I think not.

Land Cruiser

2008-06-04T10:49:00.003-04:00

Did you know that you can order a land cruiser/tank on amazon.com? Yes, in fact, it can be yours for the low price of $19,999.95.

From the product description:

"The JL421 Badonkadonk is a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank. Designed with versatility in mind, the Donk can transport cargo or a crew of five internally or on the roof, and can be piloted from within the armored shell or from an exposed standing position through the hatch. The interior is fully carpeted and cozy, with accent lighting and room for up to five people."

Some of the customer reviews:

"I cannot imagine the horror that would have befallen my family had we not owned a Badonkadonk on the day the zombies came."

"It's hard to find a good tank these days. There's always the essential questions: Will my wife like this? Will the kids fit in it? However, I'm single, so my real question was: how much destructive power does this baby have?"

"The only real negative with this tank is that it shows up on radar a little more than I like (although there is a polyresin graphite stealth model available). Also, the included spare isn't full size. Overall, a great tank."

My next birthday present.

First post of June...

2008-06-02T13:55:00.002-04:00

It seems like around here, the weather knows the calendar. And the calendar says that now that it's June, it's going to be sunny, hot(ish), and humid.

I'm super happy.

The weatherman is calling for some rain later in the week possibly, and rain wouldn't be great because it's Ethan's birthday and we're having a big outdoor party on Friday night. But I love June, and I love this hot weather and the fact that it's beautiful outside. I mowed my lawn this morning, watered my flowers, and felt at one with nature (sort of).

June might be my favorite month...either that or September. It's a toss-up.

New Car

2008-05-30T11:31:00.004-04:00

So, we bought our first new car yesterday! Yay--right? It's a bit scary, though. We haven't had a car payment for the entire time we have been married. This is the first time. It's not quite as scary as when we bought our house (holy cow, we are borrowing HOW MUCH over a 30 year period??). But still--fitting a car payment into our somewhat tight budget seemed like an impossibility. We came to the point, though, where we were dumping more money into my wonderful little 1999 black Escort than what it was worth.

So now, I (well, we, but mostly it's mine to drive) am the proud owner of an adorable (yes, I said adorable) and awesome dark blue 2008 Ford Focus.

We had to wrestle a bit with the right thing to do. We try to live simple lives--we have a small house, and our motto is that if we have too much stuff to fit in our house, we have too much stuff, period. Even with the stuff we do have, we consciously try to stay away from buying beyond what we actually need. That's a super hard thing to do, and I still sometimes fall victim to Target and its aisles of wonderment, but for the most part I think we do pretty well.

So buying a new car was a difficult decision, not only because of the scariness of owing that car payment each month, but because we really had to come to grips with whether we needed a new car, or just wanted one. Cars are sometimes a sticking point with me--over the last year or so, I have found myself becoming frustrated more than once over the fact that my car has this or that wrong with it, and the power windows may not work, and by the way, you have to kick the trunk of our Jeep in just a certain spot and a certain way in order to get it to open. It was easy to look around and see all the people driving nice, new(er) cars with no weird problems attached. And I knew, deep down in my heart, that those longings were not where my heart's focus should've been.

It's a hard battle, overcoming the need for stuff. Lately I have been thinking more about this issue, had some conversations with friends, and come to the conclusion that none of us are ever above those desires, especially prevalent in our culture, to have it all. When you have a child, it opens a whole new set of wants and needs, and somehow it seems okay to buy that toy that you don't need because it's for your child, not for you. We want to have it all, and even more, we want our children to have it all. But God wants all of me, and if I am tied to my stuff, my heart is torn. God has to be my only desire, not just one of a list of desires. I am grateful to my husband and my friends who are helping and encouraging me in that direction.

And just for the record, I am grateful to God for the gift of this new vehicle with a low payment that gets me where I need to go!

Sun

2008-05-28T11:54:00.004-04:00

I am completely solar powered. I've come to this realization after being super depressed for several days (rainy), then being super happy (sunny), then depressed again yesterday (rain again), then feeling like the world is right again this morning (super sunny). Maybe I need one of those cool sun lamps they use in Alaska when it's dark for a whole long time.

Speaking of which, I was looking at movies at Blockbuster, and I noticed some horror movie about the darkness in Alaska. I just googled it and discovered that it is called "30 Days of Night" and stars Josh Hartnett. So glad he's still got a career going, however sad it may be.

Good Night, World...

2008-05-21T14:48:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I wonder why in the world I am a leader. Whatever possessed me to volunteer for this stuff? I mean, yeah, being in charge is fun for someone like me, at least some of the time. But lately, I seem to be in over my head. Some situations have arisen in the youth group that I have no idea how to deal with. I feel completely under-qualified for my job, and wish I could give the reins to someone else, even if just for a little while. I am afraid that if I don't deal with these situations soon, and deal with them correctly, they will just get worse until they cause lasting damage (both literal and metaphorical).

My first instinct is to run and hide. Stress tends to make me sleepy (yes, it's true, don't laugh). It would be so nice to retreat to my nice snuggly bed, pull the covers over my head, and pretend like the world doesn't exist. Unfortunately, the problems would still be there when I finally emerged from my bed hours or days later.

To make matters worse, we have lots of little stressful things at home. The biggest one this week is that our garage door totally broke yesterday. Well, I totally broke it--although I'm sure it was bound to happen sooner or later. So I can't get into the garage to get the lawnmower or anything else I need until we remove the old door and put a new one on. This is the joy of being a homeowner, right here. Also, my car is being looked at once again because it's having some crazy engine problems, and Daniel needs a new computer. And weren't we going to paint that stairway before June? Looks like June is almost upon us. Life moves too fast.

So I guess I need wisdom, and I need a jump start. Maybe I'll go have that cup of coffee now...

Unadorned Clay Pots

2008-05-14T12:42:00.003-04:00

This morning I was reading in 2 Corinthians chapter 4. One section stuck out to me:

Remember, our Message is not about ourselves; we're proclaiming Jesus Christ, the Master. All we are is messengers, errand runners from Jesus for you. It started when God said, "Light up the darkness!" and our lives filled up with light as we saw and understood God in the face of Christ, all bright and beautiful. If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious Message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That's to prevent anyone from confusing God's incomparable power with us.

Being in ministry, I wonder how often I get confused. It's really easy to do lots and lots of things in the name of ministry, under the guise of bringing people to Christ. But I was challenged over the last few days to really ask how much of that is for God's glory, and how much is for my own satisfaction or praise. I cringe even as I type these words, because no one likes to look at that ugly part of their hearts. I see so much "ministry" taking place that really doesn't seem to be about God at all, but about us--about the person, the church, the youth ministry. If my self-esteem is based on what a great pastor I am, how is that about God?

We need to remember that our lives are "unadorned clay pots". My life is nothing more than a vessel for God's Message. I want to have no desire except Christ. I almost think it's harder in full-time ministry, because it's so easy to deceive ourselves into thinking that all the work we do for ministry is serving God and His people. And it is, but more than all my work, God wants my entire heart and wants all the glory to go to Him.

Running: The Intimidating Sport

2008-05-06T22:09:00.003-04:00

I have always held this awe for people who run. I am so impressed with their physical and mental stamina, their resolve to actually go do it, and the fact that I see runners out there no matter what the weather.

I am not one of those people. I like being outdoors, love hiking, love walking everywhere I can, but I just can't wrap myself around running. I tell myself it's just because I am not a natural runner, and some people just aren't, and that's okay.

But this other thought sneaks up on me--what if running is an exercise in discipline? I mean, duh, of course it is, but what if it goes deeper than physical discipline? I always wonder--if I could discipline myself to run, I could learn about discipline in so many other areas of life, including mentally and spiritually. I always say I'm going to start running, and then I find reasons each day why I can't go. And suddenly it's a year later, and the only thing I've used those running shoes in my closet for is...walking. Which is great, and good exercise (especially up the giant hill to the park), but not the same as running.

I almost wonder...is God nudging me in that direction to teach me some much deeper things? What's the first step to getting there?

Finding Jesus in all the junk...

2008-04-30T11:33:00.002-04:00

We have a huge event here at our church this week. Actually, it's not even a huge event FOR us, but we are hosting all the pastors & lay leaders of our upstate NY district of churches (50+ churches all together) for a bunch of business meetings plus some worship services. I was excited, because this is a yearly event and since I've been on staff here, I've had to travel to Rochester every May, which is a big hassle.

Boy, would I trade that hassle for all the work that has fallen into my lap this week.

In the midst of my 14 hour work days, my freakouts when my boss doesn't like the way I set up a room (I had to do it all over again), my aching feet, my neglected laundry pile and refrigerator at home, and my poor family who have been here at church almost as much as I have, I have been wondering where Jesus was in all of this. I didn't sign up for this, I thought. If I had wanted to be an event planner, I could be doing that for a lot more money in some big glamorous city somewhere.

Then, this morning, I remembered that I hadn't really had time to read my Bible or spend any real time in prayer, aside from the quick glance at the "verse of the day" or a quick whispered prayer, usually to ask God to help me hold it all together at that moment. Not to be too cheesy about it, but I guess Jesus has been here all along. I am running a snack bar, which means I get to spend some time with students in my youth group when they come to help. I am helping out with some of the music, which means I get to help lead pastors in worshiping God! Even all this awful labor of moving furniture, cleaning things out, cleaning them again when someone comes along and messes them up, and the countless trips to the store, is to serve others and ultimately serve Jesus with my hospitality and my servant's heart.

So, this morning, I got up early and forced myself to sit down and read my Bible and spend some time in prayer. At first, it was tough to stop all the swirling thoughts in my head about all the things I have to do today. But I am so glad that I took that time to refocus on Jesus--and on why I am doing all this.

In the last year...

2008-04-22T17:38:00.002-04:00

I was inspired by my friend Jason to write this blog.

In the last year I have...

1. Become a better parent of a toddler.

2. Learned without a doubt that God (still) really, really wants us here in Watertown.

3. Gone to Brazil for the first time.

4. Said goodbye to two of the best friends I've had.

5. Learned to be a better friend and try to open up a little more.

6. Stepped totally outside my comfort zone to join a women's Bible study...and found a healing place for my soul in the process.

7. Had my engagement ring stolen. (I know, it SUCKS.)

8. Become more focused in my vision for ministry than ever before.

9. Learned to be a lot more comfortable and unapologetic about who I am.

10. Discovered that my husband still is the most amazing man in the world.

11. Tried whitewater kayaking (and hated every minute of it).

What's your list?

Worse than Cockroaches

2008-04-22T17:27:00.002-04:00

This is like my dream come true. I wish I lived in Florida so I could have awesome experiences like this. For those of you who know me, you may know that I have a lifelong dream of seeing a real live alligator in the wild when I go to Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, or somewhere around there where they actually have alligators. I am always sorely disappointed. Anyway, the following article is from tampabay.com:

EAST LAKE -- Around 10:30 p.m. Monday, Sandra Frosti heard an intruder bumping around in her kitchen.

Turns out, the noise was made by an 8-foot, 8-inch alligator that had crawled into the 69-year-old's kitchen in Eastlake Woodlands.

The female alligator apparently pushed through a screened panel on the back porch, shouldered its way past a potted ficus tree, then got inside the house through an open rear sliding glass door. Once inside, it crawled through the living room, down the hall and into the kitchen.

When Frosti looked into the kitchen, she saw the beast's head. She called 911 and left the house. Click here for audio of the 911 call.

"What's going on?" asked a dispatcher.

"There's an alligator in my kitchen!" Frosti said.

"How long do you think the alligator is ma'am?"

"It's huge!" Frosti said. "... I only saw the first half of it, and that had to be at least 3 feet. ... Because it was behind the freezer, and I just disappeared."

"Are you sure it couldn't be like, a, uh, iguana or a really large..."

"Oh, no, no, no, no!" Frosti said.

"All right," the dispatcher told her, "we'll get deputies out that way."

Pinellas deputies called a trapper who removed it about 1:30 a.m. During the capture, the gator was slightly injured when a plate was knocked to the ground and cut the reptile. No other injuries were reported.

"The house was a mess," Frosti said. "It did a good amount of damage in the kitchen."

This morning, there was still dirt and blood on the kitchen floor, blood spattered on the wall and a claw mark on the hallway wall.

Frosti said she didn't know when the gator got in or where it might have wandered before she noticed it.

"It might have been in the bedroom for all I know," she said.

The gator "looked awfully well-fed," she said, adding that authorities told her they thought it was "wanted to check out the cat."

This morning, Frosti said she had no hard feelings and even worried that the alligator would be destroyed because of her size. Mostly, she found the whole thing amusing.

"I can't wait to tell my grandkids," she said, "because they probably won't believe me."

Casey Cora and Eileen Schulte, Times staff writers

April 22, 2008 in Bizarre, Pinellas | Permalink

How to be in the church band...

2008-04-21T15:37:00.001-04:00

Ahhh, vacation.

2008-04-20T01:39:00.004-04:00

We just got back from a luxurious vacation in Myrtle Beach. Well, not luxurious, exactly, but at least it was relaxing--and we even got a couple of beach days in.

This picture was taken at Brookgreen Gardens--which sounds like such an old people type thing to do. In fact, the old people must have agreed with me, because they were all there too. But the day was too cold to swim or lay on the beach, so we explored the grounds and even saw some animals in the zoo. The whole place is an old rice plantation (actually, I think four plantations combined) with lots of cool stuff, including a ridiculously huge sculpture garden that you could get lost in. I didn't see any wild alligators, though, and for that I was very disappointed--especially since signs everywhere warned against alligators.

Well, lots more pictures can be found on my facebook page. Check them out (plus, there are more to come once I get a chance to upload them in the next couple of days)! The only thing that sucks about vacation is that you have to come home...and play catch-up with everything in your life. My house, my job, my dog, and my relationships are all demanding attention. At least we got a little time off!

Butting Heads, AKA Being Married

2008-04-12T09:09:00.003-04:00

I am trying SO HARD to be a supportive, good wife. Daniel loves kayaking, rafting, and anything having to do with whitewater and the outdoors. Rafting starts in May, and he has been itching to go kayaking ever since his new drytop arrived a couple of weeks ago. I tried kayaking...once...and hated it. I may try again, but for now it's not one of our common interests. Anyway, we are super busy this week because we are getting ready to go to Myrtle Beach Sunday, plus I am finishing up my last paper for this John Wesley class that I've been complaining about for the last month or so. The paper must be emailed today, so I had planned on spending most of the morning & afternoon finishing up while Daniel stayed home with Ethan so I could write. Well, yesterday I found out he had different plans--a kayaking trip on the Deer River. Now, in his defense, a couple of weeks ago I had encouraged him to plan a trip--but since I never heard another word about it I assumed the plans didn't work out. We had a big giant fight about it yesterday which ended with both of us feeling kind of stupid. I know I overreacted and I think he did too. It's so hard--kayaking is such a sensitive subject between us. I am overly sensitive about the time he spends away from Ethan and I during the summer, between rafting (which is his summer job) and kayaking. He is overly sensitive because he is sure that I am automatically going to say no and be a downer whenever he wants to go.

It sucks. We both apologized and things were fine (we even got to go on a date last night thanks to our friend Jenn), but it still sucks. I want to be selfish but I know I shouldn't. It's like this horrible internal struggle. I promised Daniel this summer would be different (not as much fighting about kayaking) so I'm starting early, I guess.

Dance Party Friday

2008-04-09T16:21:00.003-04:00

This is too ridiculous for me to describe. Therefore, I should probably just let you watch this video for yourself:

I Hate John Wesley

2008-04-07T16:01:00.002-04:00

I am seriously tired of John Wesley and all his theology. Yeah, so we owe him a lot, he's a genius, blah blah blah. I have been immersed in John Wesley for a couple of months now, although I did take a break for a few weeks because my head was going to explode. So now, in true Amanda fashion, I have a sermon analysis and a paper due this Saturday, and I have put them off until this week for the most part. I've been trying to work on this all day long (on my DAY OFF, even), and haven't had much luck. I have accomplished almost nothing. It's not a good feeling, and now I'm at the point where not only have I accomplished almost nothing, but I am sick and tired of trying to think and write and look at that dreaded paper which contains John Wesley's writings on Christian perfection.

Old and New

2008-04-06T15:58:00.002-04:00

I'm pretty sure something crazy is wrong with the battery on my computer. It just jumps all around...like 2 minutes ago there was 80% left, and I just looked at it and now it's 88%. And it's definitely not plugged in. Last night it went from 15% to 0% in approximately 30 seconds. Which is weird because before this, the battery has been totally fine and reliable, and it actually lasts a good amount of time. MAN...my computer isn't even that old. (Not even 2 years yet!!) I'm not ready to look for a new one just yet. Besides, I'm pretty sure Daniel is due for the next new computer. I'm kind of upset about this new battery problem, though.

In other news, I was informed that my talk about the crocuses in my last post is "mom talk." And yes, after giving it some thought, it totally is. My mom would say the exact same thing. DANGIT. What can I do? Just stop talking mom talk, I guess. I'm not ready to give up my coolness just yet. (No snotty comments, please.)

Happy

2008-04-04T10:34:00.002-04:00

I'm happy because I installed a new operating system on my MAC last night...well, actually, to be honest, my friend Jason installed it. But I was there for most of the process. I feel like such a kid at Christmas--I'm all excited to use my computer with all its neat little new features. Woohoo! I also got Final Cut Express to make our church announcement videos, among other things. It may take me a while to really learn it, but I'm super excited. Does anyone use that and can give me some pointers??

I can't give an accurate "review" of Leopard yet, because I've only been using it for approximately one hour so far. But I'm happy.

I'm also happy because yesterday was REALLY spring. My crocuses are coming up in the front yard, and there are little buds on the tree at the side of my house that literally appeared overnight. (I know, because I have closely checked that tree every morning when I leave my house for the last two weeks.) When I see those two things, even though there's a little bit of snow left in my yard still, I know early spring is here at last.

Finally, I'm happy because in only a week and a half, we are going to Myrtle Beach with our friend Michelle and her bf, Micah. I'm getting ready for warmer weather and sunshine, and maybe, just maybe, Ethan will touch the ocean. He doesn't love water that's not in his bathtub thus far, so we'll see how that goes. But we never get to go on a vacation that's not visiting family, so I'm excited to get away for a few days.

FIL

2008-04-03T20:53:00.002-04:00

Friend-in-law (noun): The spouse or significant other of your friend. You don't have to know the FIL very well. You may or may not like them, even. This is why they are an FIL, and not just a friend.

This is a new word I made up.

Lost

2008-04-01T13:42:00.003-04:00

Ok, I admit it. I used to pride myself on NOT being addicted to things like TV shows. But lately (since sometime in late January), I am completely into Lost. A student in my youth group told me, "You HAVE to watch Lost!" He couldn't believe I'd never seen it before. He let us borrow season 1 on DVD and we were hooked within the first 10 minutes. ABC is so wonderful that they posted all of the past episodes on their website (which I highly recommend).

So here's the point: Watch Lost!! You won't regret it.

Grocery Store Blues

2008-03-31T22:58:00.002-04:00

I'm hungry. We have no food in the house. Well, I take that back--we have food, just not good yummy snacky stuff that I can eat at 11pm. We only have things like pasta, and frozen ground beef (and who has time to defrost meat, anyway?). It's frustrating.

I AM going to the grocery store later this week. Till then, I guess I'll have to survive on cereal, fruit snacks, and pasta...if I actually get the time and energy to make it.

Mental Health Week

2008-03-28T08:57:00.004-04:00

I can breathe a sigh of relief (temporarily) now that Easter is over. I've had this whole week off, and although I just stayed home for the most part, it's gone by incredibly fast and I can't believe it's already Friday. I guess "regular" weeks go by this quickly too, except usually I'm not trying to make a "regular" week last as long as possible. It's been so difficult to not do work-related things--I keep thinking I could get ahead, get some scheduling done, work on some big projects I haven't had time for, etc...but then, why would I even bother calling it a vacation?

So I've been calling this week my mental health week, because I can't remember the last time I had an entire week off of work and didn't go out of town (fun, but stressful and tiring) or do any work at all. I'm kind of proud of myself for my discipline...because although I may be tempted to call myself lazy, I think I'm actually rather self-controlled.

I'm going to go back to watching TV with my son on the couch now!

Time

2008-03-19T11:44:00.003-04:00

I was reading a friend's blog today, and it got me thinking about my time, and my discipline (or lack thereof). I am generally more than willing to spend extra time at work getting something done, or spend an hour getting coffee with a student (or former student) to connect and grow together. I love, LOVE spending time with my hubby & son, probably because spending time is my primary love language. I even am usually willing to spend extra time to slave away at home, doing dishes or mopping the floor or washing clothes or whatever else needs to be done (it does feel good to have a clean house). So why is it so hard for me to take an hour out of each day to spend working out, de-stressing, and doing something good & honorable for my body that God has given me?

It's hard because when I say yes to that, I am saying no to so many other things. And, while I am good at discipline sometimes, I am not good at discipline in this particular area. It's hard to spend the money for a YMCA membership so I can get away for my own mental and physical health. (Aren't there so many other things that I could spend that money on?) It's hard to take that hour that I could be playing with my son, making dinner, or getting much-needed work done.

Is it necessary? I am becoming increasingly convinced that yes, it is. I struggle because I wonder if I am being selfish. I wonder if I am putting my own needs before everyone else's. People tell me that that's not true, that when I take even that small amount of time for my health, I am able to give so much more to everyone else, and actually be happy about it.

Thank Goodness for Spring!

2008-03-03T20:28:00.003-05:00

Ok. I do love winter. But seriously. IT. IS. MARCH. Can we be done with snowstorms and below-freezing temperatures, already?

I know, I know...it's not as if this is unexpected or out of the ordinary that it's still this cold and yucky. We DO live in upstate NY, after all. But it really is time to have some hint of spring--warmer days, rain instead of snow, etc. Today was that hint of spring. The high was supposed to be 48, and it turned out to be about 57 during the day (which, after four months of freezing temps, is amazing). I had a blast taking my dog for a walk without bundling up. I actually went to the grocery store with Ethan, and we went without coats. It felt like a taste of heaven.

Tomorrow it's supposed to snow and be back down in the 30s. But at least for one day, I got a taste of what's to come. I almost forgot what it was like to be warm when I go outside! I think God knew that I was about to go postal if there was too much more winter without a break.